


Opening A New Book

by Crazyaniknowit



Series: I Don't Care But I Do [6]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ANGST INC, Angst, Buckle Up Buttercups, Confessions, Gay Disaster Shiro (Voltron), In which, James is a hurt boi don't hold his temper against him, Keith and Krolia spend 2 years bonding, Keith is dense, Kissing, M/M, So much talking, Talking, bed sharing, can you kids lighten up a little?, learning, like all the sads okay, lil bit o bump n grind, shiro is a very good boi, space whale as a plot device, we have the sheith sex now, we're headed into Sheith territory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2019-08-14 09:25:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16489964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyaniknowit/pseuds/Crazyaniknowit
Summary: It's always sad when you finish a good book. You have to close the pages on the last words of the final chapter and then you're left in a limbo while you wait for the next good book to come along.But rest assured it will come along, and maybe you'll enjoy it more than the last. An old book is always a fond memory to look back on in any case.And thus, Keith opens his new book.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AHH man you guys!! I wanted to get this all out to you in 1 chapter but it's getting too long so I have to split it into 2. This one doesn't have any drawings (sad I know) but the next chapter will have one or two. 
> 
> Also fair warning, this chapter is a lot of cultivating for Sheith. I know, I know! I love Jeith to fuckin death but I always planned this story would end with Sheith. So, yeah.

"So, why did you leave?"  
  
Keith hung his head, a cold wave of shame rushing through his blood. "No reason as noble as yours, Krolia."  
  
Krolia hummed, "It's still your reason." she prompted, and Keith leaned into the fingers that threaded through his hair.  
  
Keith scoffed, wiping at his eyes, "I _don't_..." his voice cracked and he paused to take a calming breath. "I still can't tell if I was being selfish...or selfless."  
  
Krolia frowned, turning her gaze to the fire, "If you have to question it...it may be the former."  
  
Keith shuddered under the confirmation and hugged himself as his body wracked with a sob. " _Fuck_." he rasped, "I...I told myself I was doing it _for_ _him_. To...stop hurting him, because I felt like that's all I did."  
  
"That's what you told yourself." Krolia repeated, her voice gentle and without judgement, "And do you believe that?"  
  
Keith was silent.  
  
"Was that _really_ why you left?"  
  
Keith nodded, there was no other ulterior motive in his escape from civilization, in his drifting to find himself and to find the source of that call. The Blue Lion's call.  
  
"Keith, you know that hurt him too. Maybe worse than if you had stayed."  
  
Keith looked up at her but there was no malice in her words. Krolia stared back, somber and understanding even as she brought up painful points, questions he had always refused to ask himself. Because he knew the answers. He knew and he feared them. Keith hiccuped and gulped, wiping at his eyes again as he turned to the fire again.  
  
"It still would have been the last time." Keith murmured.  
  
"You don't _know_ that, Keith."  
  
He scoffed a wet laugh, running his hand over his face, "I...I'm...you're right. _Fuck_...sometimes I wish..." he whispered.  
  
Krolia waited, her hand gentle and assuring on his shoulder, "You wish... _what?_ "  
  
"Sometimes I wish I had stayed the night."  
  
Keith hunched his shoulders when she wrapped her arms around him, not exactly used to her casual touches yet, much less hugs. Krolia nuzzled her face against his hair, "I'm not saying you made the wrong choices." she murmured.  
  
Keith laughed wryly and turned his head against the hard shell of her breastplate, tentatively wrapping his arms around her waist, "Doesn't mean it's not true."  
  
"Keith." Krolia sighed, petting his hair in soothing strokes, "They weren't the _wrong_ choices. Look where you are now." she held him tighter, "Your choices led you here, to Voltron...to _me_."  
  
Keith pulled back to look up at her.  
  
"Maybe I'm a little selfish in saying it," Krolia chuckled, "But to me...to _me_ you made the right choices, especially if they resulted in me meeting you again." she said as she swiped his hair out of his eyes, "My sweet boy." she rasped, "I'm just sorry those choices cause you pain."  
  
Keith ducked his head and turned away, bashful.  
  
"It's coming again." Krolia suddenly said, and Keith looked up at the abyss, watching that golden light pour across everything in the distance. Sometimes it was slow, sometimes it was fast....all he could wonder was what it would show them now?  
  
He closed his eyes as it hit.

* * *

To say Keith was happy was an understatement. He was _beyond_ thrilled when he walked into that camp and left with the person he knew wasn't dead. He knew it and he was just...he was _so happy_ he could cry that Shiro really was alive. Keith was _right_.

  
He was _right_.  
  
He was right to have doubted and to have staked everything on the belief that everyone else was playing along with a lie. Granted, that vindication wasn't in any way the source of his joy. In fact, that vindication had the capacity to make him sad if he thought too hard about it. He'd gotten good at not thinking too hard about _him_ in the past year. What with the energy calling him and swaying him out here.  
  
Keith rested his chin on his hands, knees pulled up to his chest while he watched Shiro sleep...waited for him to wake. He had to quell his emotions from running all over the place because he wasn't the only one in the shack waiting for Shiro to wake up. He glanced at the sleeping cadets in the living room out of the corner of his eye, they brought with them an irritating reminder of what he left behind. Especially Lance because he just wouldn't let the whole dropout thing go. Seriously, what was his _problem?_ That in itself was a touchy subject because while Lance couldn't have known the circumstances of his leaving, it still hurt more vividly than Keith would have liked to have it used as an insult against him.  
  
Keith blinked when Shiro stirred, breath quickening and eyes fluttering before he woke with a gasp. He looked around the dark room, chest heaving and his face stricken with uncertainty and paranoia. Keith all but leapt forward to place a careful hand on his shoulder and shush him because the last thing he wanted was for him to panic. "Hey... _Shiro?_ Shiro it's okay. You're safe." he whispered, and when the man beneath him finally met his gaze - going slack with relief and exhaling a low breath - Keith smiled warmly.  
  
" _Keith?_ "  
  
Keith nodded, stroking the strange shock of silvery strands away from his forehead.  
  
"Keith...you...you're _here_."  
  
Keith's smile went softer (if that was at all possible) and he sighed as he sat back. Shiro sounded like someone who had dreamed a moment a thousand times too many to truly believe it when it finally happened. "Yeah, I am. I told you I would wait for you, didn't I?"  
  
Shiro's expression was a carbon copy of that look he had given him the first time he said it: lips parted and eyes twinkling with a confused wonder. Keith turned his head, biting his lip and still smiling...he just couldn't stop, it seemed. "How long...how long have I been...?" Shiro rasped, sitting up, Keith tamped down the urge to assist him, he knew Shiro didn't like being coddled.  
  
"Couple hours, maybe three." Keith said as he glanced outside, the deep blue of the early day starting to seep into everything.  
  
"No." Shiro said, and Keith looked at him curiously, "I meant, how long have I been-" he paused to gulp, eyes screwing shut, "- _gone?_ " he glanced down at Keith.  
  
And Keith's persistent smile faded in an instant as he took in the pain in Shiro's eyes, the persistent fear, weight, and agony that resided in lovely, stormy disks of silver-grey that used to be so soft and sweet... _innocent_. It made him sick to his stomach to think what might have happened to Shiro to make him this way. "Just...just over a year." Keith said, and Shiro hung his head as he sagged in place.  
  
Keith looked down at the strange, futuristic metal arm that replaced what had once been there. He watched curiously as it moved to clutch at the sheets, the whirring and clicking of concealed gears and joints reaching his ears.  
  
"Feels like yesterday." Shiro murmured, and then he laughed wearily, rubbing his flesh hand over his face, "And...somehow feels like twenty years."  
  
Keith blinked up at him, saddened and unsure of how to console him. "Uh...I...I found some clothes if you want to change?" he suggested, and Shiro turned an eager, yet still weary smile his way.  
  
"Yeah, I'd like that." he said, and Keith offered him a hand in standing off the bed, he stumbled lightly and Keith grunted as he dealt with his full weight if only for a moment. And that was a fair amount of weight, he'd managed to bulk up to at least twice his muscle mass in the time he'd been gone...confusing to be sure, but Keith supposed it meant he wasn't doing terribly when it came to his disease. So it was a plus all around. And Shiro still managed to tower over Keith despite all the growing he'd done since he was gone. It was almost amusing.  
  
Keith let him steady himself, again, he knew Shiro didn't like being coddled, and he stepped back as soon as he was able to support his weight and offered him a slight smile along with the pile of clothes he had scrounged up. "It's not much and...it's kinda small. Sorry." he said as he realized just how small the clothes were in comparison to Shiro's bulk.  
  
Shiro accepted it and only shrugged, "It beats these, in any case." he said as he thumbed at the edge of his tattered shirt, "I haven't worn real clothes in a year."  
  
Keith moved to the door, "I'll wait out here, just let me know if you need anything." he said, and he saw Shiro nod out of the corner of his eye. He closed the door behind him and leaned up against it with a quieted sigh, gently thumping his head against the wood. Shiro was _alive_...he wasn't the Shiro he remembered, he was distant and battered and scarred, both mentally and physically. But that was okay, because he had him back, and that was all that mattered. Keith would accept Shiro in any possible way he could so long as he stayed in his life. And if he needed someone to lean on while he healed...Keith would be that person too.  
  
And he would keep his promise to James, because even if he was single again - even if he hadn't seen or spoken to James in a year - Shiro deserved better than for Keith to pine after him. He would keep his feelings to himself and be what Shiro needed, however Shiro needed Keith...even if in the end they remained ever friends, never more.

Keith turned his head to the side and smiled ruefully, "Just friends." he breathed. 

* * *

  
They came out of the flashback and Keith turned his head when Krolia gave a little hum of a laugh.  
  
"Not so noble as me, you said?"  
  
Keith scoffed and picked at his suit, "I was trying to be better than I was before." he murmured.  
  
Krolia hummed and leaned back against the wall of their shelter with a smile, "Seems to me that you succeeded."  
  
Keith shrugged and brought his knees to his chest, "I mean, I still loved... _love_ him." he admitted, "But he sees me as a brother." he sighed, and after a small silence he added: "And I'm okay with that."  
  
Krolia raised a brow, though Keith didn't see it. "You ever think about Earth?" she asked.  
  
Keith winced, "Not until recently."  
  
"Do you ever consider what will happen when you see James again?"  
  
Keith's smile was pained, his eyes sad, "He probably hates me. I really fucked up with him."  
  
"Yeah." Krolia said.  
  
Keith turned to her with wry amusement, "That doesn't make me feel much better."  
  
"Worse to lie to you in my attempts to try and do so." Krolia informed him, and he gave a small huff of a laugh.  
  
"You're...really smart, Mom."  
  
Krolia brightened, joy spreading across her face, and Keith flushed with color when he realized he had called her Mom. "Thanks, Keith."  
  
"Oh I don't know if it's a compliment." Keith teased with a chuckle, "Makes it hard to argue with your points."  
  
"Doesn't mother know best?" Krolia smirked, "At least I'm doing something right."  
  
Keith scoffed and turned toward his wolf, petting him where he slept in a tiny ball at his feet. He snuffed and stretched his legs out, tilting his head against Keith's hand in his sleep, and it brought a smile to his lips again.  
  
"What makes you think he sees you as a brother?"  
  
Keith blinked at the revisiting of the subject, "Shiro?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Keith furrowed his brow and floundered for a response. "I just...I mean I've had a relationship before and you saw. What Shiro does and how James was...they're _different_." he said, and then he frowned at how he'd come up with a disjointed explanation (which sounded more like an excuse than anything) that left even him wanting to scratch his head.  
  
"Of course they are." Krolia said, "They're different people, Keith."  
  
Keith tried not to let those words prompt him into over-analyzing his relationship with Shiro.  
  
"Well...I just...think he sees me as a brother." he added in a murmur.  
  
Krolia tutted like he didn't believe him, and Keith sent her a scowl. "I suppose I'll see for myself soon enough, we have no idea how long we'll be here."  
  
And she was right, at least every few days Keith found himself in another walk through the past with Shiro. Though they were never moments so important as the day he rescued Shiro from the Garrison. They still managed to make him over-analyze his preconceptions (more like misconceptions) and doubt his self-imposed stance that Shiro could only ever see him as a brother.  
  
It was maybe a couple weeks later that Krolia was proven to be right...if only a little.

* * *

"How's your wound?"  
  
"My wound's great." Shiro drawled, amusement apparent even through his raspy, pained tone, "It's getting bigger all the time."  
  
Keith stared at him, unimpressed by his macabre humor.  
  
Shiro glanced at him upon his silence, "Just...trying to lighten the mood." he murmured.  
  
Keith softened his gaze and sighed, "Hang in there, they'll be along to rescue us soon."  
  
Shiro winced as a flash of pain undoubtedly shot through him. "Keith...if...if I don't make it-" he paused for a moment, "I want _you_ to lead Voltron."  
  
Keith felt his heart seize, a flash of panic and worry ricocheting down his spine and leaving him chilled. "Stop talking like that." he said, "You're gonna make it."  
  
Shiro looked at him then, head tilted down and this strange expression crossing his features that Keith didn't quite place at the time, thinking it was just pain in his eyes. But seeing it again...through the visor of the abyss...  
  
Keith couldn't feel Krolia's presence, but he knew she could see it too. Keith still had a hard time accepting it, but when the Keith of the past glanced up at the light of the teleduv - distracted - he was surprised to see that Shiro spent many unnecessary seconds eyeing him softly before he too looked up.  
  

* * *

  
Keith hunched his shoulders and bit his lip as they came out of the flashback, stubbornly refusing to meet the piercing gaze of his mother. He fidgeted with his fingers for several minutes, and then he huffed, "Shut up!"  
  
Krolia chuckled, "I didn't even say anything."  
  
"You were _thinking_ it." Keith grumbled.  
  
"Hmm." Krolia moved to stoke the fire, "You're not wrong."  
  
"Mom?"  
  
Krolia halted, ears twitching as she looked at him curiously. "Yes, Keith?"  
  
Keith tucked his hair behind his ear and looked down at the ground, "Do you really believe it?" he asked, "You, uh, really think he loves me?"  
  
Krolia smiled, "I suspect. From what I can piece together so far, at least."  
  
Keith crossed his arms, "How do I know for sure?"  
  
Krolia frowned, looking down at the fire before a sad smile came across her face. "You know, I'm not sure you can ever know without talking to them." she began, "And even then it's easy to have doubts, I know I still had my doubts every now and again with your father."  
  
"You did?"  
  
Krolia chuckled softly, turning a wry gaze upon him, "Didn't you? With James?"  
  
Keith blinked as he thought about it for a moment. "Um...not...not while we were official, no." he said. "I never doubted he loved me." he murmured.  
  
"I suppose every experience is different. Maybe James doubted you loved him." she said offhandedly, and Keith gaped up at her because that single sentence rocked his world. Or universe, whichever was more appropriate. He'd never thought about it like that, and the implication...it fit.  
  
Keith gulped and heaved a sigh, "Fuck."  
  
Krolia turned wide eyes upon him, "I didn't mean to-"  
  
"No. You're right." Keith interrupted, "I...wasn't the best boyfriend. Hell, I didn't even tell him I loved him for like, _five months_." he scoffed at himself, "Who _does_ that?"  
  
"You were trying not to hurt him. You had good intentions." Krolia said.  
  
"Good intentions don't matter when they make you do the wrong thing." Keith said, "My _'good intentions'_ screwed James over, he was _so_ happy when I finally told him and then I up and  _left_ him right afterward. What kind of jerk _does_ that?" he buried his face in his hands, "I'm such an idiot."  
  
"At least you know that." Krolia said, voice soft and even as her words attempted humor.  
  
" _Mom_..." Keith sighed, "You sound like Shiro."  
  
Krolia guffawed, sitting down before she fell down and crossing her arms as she leaned up against the wolf, who was growing fast. He sniffed at her and then lay his head back on the ground with a contented purr. "Nobody is perfect." she said.  
  
"I know." Keith moved to sit next to her, and she placed a hand in his hair, stroking softly. "But I wish I could go back and...just...let him know that...or maybe let myself know that I really loved him. I just wish I could have avoided the shitshow we made altogether." he said, "Maybe if I had been more open we would have been friends earlier. Maybe we could have had a _normal_ relationship."  
  
"You can't depend on the maybe's." Krolia chided, and Keith glanced at her with a frown. One that said he knew that, but he didn't want to accept it. "It's done." she finished, "Nothing anyone can do to change it. And the sooner you let yourself believe that, accept that, the sooner you can move on. And who ever said you wouldn't have a chance to make your past deeds right? You could see him again in the future. You could tell him everything that was going through your head, and everything you've learned about yourself."  
  
Keith leaned into the hand that cupped his cheek, smiling slightly at her encouraging words. "Yeah, maybe."  
  
"Keith?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
Krolia chuckled softly, "Now that we've had our obligatory in-depth discussion about life and bad choices," she began, and Keith scoffed a laugh at her because she was right, they had conversations like this a little too often for comfort. "Shall we go spar? Maybe some hunting afterwards...if you're not too _tired_." she ribbed with a grin.  
  
Keith shot to his feet, the challenge inciting a now-familiar fire in his blood, "You're on. Bet I'll pin you first!" he called as he raced to fetch his blade.

* * *

Shiro seemed sad.  
  
Keith knew there wasn't much to be cheerful about lately, but Ulaz's death seemed to leave a deeper mark on Shiro than usual. After their talk with Allura, (and the increasing suspicions he was experiencing about his heritage) he found Shiro hunched and pensive on the steps of the bridge. It was late, and yet somehow Keith knew he wouldn't be sleeping, knew he would find him somewhere in the ship.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Shiro hummed in acknowledgment of his presence as he sat down next to him, a respectable distance between them. Keith watched the outline of Shiro's profile, lit only by the dim blue of the night cycle lights and the low colors of the nebula outside. He had grown used to tamping down any untoward admiration of Shiro, pushing it carelessly aside in the name of safe, continued friendship. Sometimes - like now - he wondered what it would be like to try for more. But he didn't ever give into such unrealistic wishes, because it wasn't worth losing what they had.  
  
"I didn't get to ask earlier." Keith began, and Shiro glanced at him in surprise, as if he had already forgotten he was there. Keith kept his eyes on the stars outside, "Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah." Shiro breathed, and Keith chanced a look at him, offering a small smile. Shiro didn't smile back, his gaze darting between Keith's eyes and then all over his face.  
  
"Just making sure." Keith said. Shiro stared at him a moment longer before he closed his eyes and heaved a defeated sigh. He turned to rest his forehead on his flesh hand, fingers rubbing his temples.  
  
"I'm not suited for this." he murmured.  
  
"Huh?" Keith turned toward him bodily, "What do you mean? Suited for what?" he was worried that Shiro might bring up that succession thing again. He gulped down his anxiety at the reminder, the knowledge that Shiro didn't have much time left in any case, and that there was nothing to be done for it.  
  
"I don't like the whole sacrifice thing. People dying on my account." Shiro said, and then he added bitterly: "They did that enough in the arena."  
  
Keith wasn't sure how to answer that, and a sullen silence descended upon them. It was a suffocating quiet, the one that made you desperate to rid yourself of it. To find something to say, and Keith shook his head as he allowed himself to do just that. "Ulaz...died for a much bigger cause than you or me, Shiro." he began, and Shiro turned a weary gaze upon him. "The universe is counting on us, but...we..." Keith sighed, "We can't help the universe if we're dead."  
  
Shiro frowned and hugged himself, looking somehow smaller than Keith had ever seen him, and that was saying something. "It's not just Ulaz. I've been thinking...how do we beat Zarkon if we can _barely_ handle one of his Robeasts?"  
  
Keith stared, fully unable to come up with a response.  
  
Shiro looked back up at him, "Sorry." he mumbled, "I'm not trying to be a doomsayer."  
  
"I know." Keith said, turning a distant gaze toward the stars while he furrowed his brow and considered Shiro's words. "We try." he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We just... _try_ , Shiro. Zarkon is only hu- _ahh_...he's only a Galra, he's not immortal. Yeah, he's bigger than you and me, and he's got your bayard. That's about it, besides his army, when it comes down to him he's just one guy." Keith managed a smile, meager and hesitant, "We have Voltron. He's only so desperate for it because he knows it's the only thing capable of stopping him, remember?"  
  
Shiro hummed again, and though he didn't look so sullen as he had before, he didn't seem convinced. "Still, we've faced him before and we barely made it out of there."  
  
Keith bristled at the reminder, "Well, we weren't exactly experienced with our lions at the time." he defended, remembering just how desperately he had fought against Zarkon to no avail in the end. It was rather terrifying, if he thought back on it.  
  
Shiro chuckled softly, "We're _still_ not exactly experienced with our lions. Not as much as him, anyway."  
  
"I'm trying to make you feel better, Shiro." Keith sighed, and Shiro turned a smile toward him, "Why aren't you _letting_ me?" he asked dramatically.  
  
Shiro laughed, genuine yet quiet, a hand moving to lay across Keith's shoulders, "I just hope I can do something about his bond with Black. Keeping her out of his hands would make our next battle a lot easier."  
  
"You'll figure it out." Keith assured, laying his hand over Shiro's where it rested on his collar, and then he gasped as he was tugged instead into a warm hug. " _Shiro_..." the little rasp of his name escaped him without his permission. He wasn't surprised to be hugged, Shiro had hugged him before. It just...didn't seem like the most appropriate time for one? Or maybe Shiro needed more than words for comfort? Keith didn't know, but he relaxed into his hold and turned his face down so his nose was buried against Shiro's neck.  
  
"Thanks Keith."  
  
Keith laughed softly, "For what?"  
  
"Making me feel better."  
  
And Keith laughed again, "Don't lie, I suck at motivating people." he said as he pulled back, though the distance between them was left at an almost uncomfortably intimate place. "That was always your strong suit." he murmured softly.  
  
Shiro's lips parted and it was an uphill battle to fight from letting his gaze dart down to them. If he didn't know better, he would say there was a charge in the air, one he never expected he would actually get a chance to feel with Shiro.  
  
Shiro blinked and Keith took the opportunity to wrench his gaze away (while he still could), clearing his throat. "We're going to be working on getting some scaulstite or something to fix the teleduv tomorrow."  
  
"Scaultrite you mean?" Shiro asked in a strangely breathless voice.  
  
"I guess." Keith shrugged, "Alien languages." he scoffed with a smile as he watched the stars go by.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Looking back, this slight bit of perspective offered so much more. The Keith from back then didn't look at Shiro... _again_ , but if he had within the next few minutes, he would have seen the hopelessly bewitched way Shiro looked at him. Brows furrowed, eyes soft and yet pained, gaze drawn to his profile and then down to his lips and then back up. Hand twitching as if it wanted to touch, but was restrained...

* * *

Keith came out of it in a familiar burst of white light and glanced to where Krolia was sleeping soundly. A sigh of relief escaped him and he relaxed against the wall, at least this time he didn't have to deal with her teasing. She was remarkably smug about the whole thing, getting proven more and more correct with each flashback of Keith's days as a Paladin. Whereas Keith's world was shaken with each ensuing flashback. The abyss offered an outsider's perspective. And it was weird seeing himself from that angle, weird and enlightening. Because everything he had ever missed he was given a chance to see, to _discover_. And as he continuously came to understand: Shiro stared at him.  
  
Shiro stared at him _a lot_. Not in casual concern or anything of the like, not in a platonically caring way. Keith recognized that longing that simmered deep within silver eyes. He used to see it in different eyes...in James. It was...rather terrifying to find himself wrong about his preconceptions of Shiro having a one-track mind when it came to Keith. He was unsure of what to do with this newfound information, and if he were one to gamble, he would wager he would be privy to many more moments like that. Moments where if he had looked at Shiro just once he might have uncovered something sooner.  
  
He still had his doubts. He knew he still had that chance of misinterpreting what he saw. But if Krolia was to be believed, he wasn't misinterpreting anything at all.

* * *

The knock at his door made him jolt, and then he glanced down at his hand and dropped his blade in a distant sort of horror. He watched it clatter against the ground and winced at the ring in his ears. Of _course_ he would go for it. Always fight first, questions later, right? The _Galra way_.  
  
" _Keith?!_ "  
  
He looked up at the door, unopened.  
  
"What was that? Are you okay?"  
  
"Come in. I just dropped something." Keith called, stooping to grab his blade and stuffing it beneath his pillow. He hunched his shoulders, pulling his knees to his chin and seeing the form of Shiro come sit beside him in his periphery.  
  
"Keith?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
" _Keith_."  
  
He blinked rapidly and turned his head into the cradle of his elbow, away from Shiro's view. The softness in his voice, the way he tread around Keith like he was made of glass was like a knife in his heart. He...would feel better if Shiro was holding a grudge. He would feel better if Shiro took this opportunity and just... _hated_ him.  
  
A hand gingerly rested on his shoulder, sliding up to his nape and into his hair, stroking gently. Keith broke.  
  
"Stop." he rasped as he shook, "Stop... _why?_ "  
  
"Keith, I don't care."  
  
"You _should_." he hiccuped, "I'm one of them. I've always been one of them...I'm...I'm the enemy."  
  
Shiro moved before him on his knees, tall enough that he was eye level to Keith where he sat curled on the edge of his mattress. Shiro gently pried his face from where it had been hidden amongst his arms and he swiped away his tears. Keith watched as he contemplated, eyes glancing between his own and down and then back up again. And then he moved his hands to Keith's shoulders to pull him into a hug. Keith melted into him, the jagged cut on his shoulder protested and he let out a pained sound, one Shiro shushed as if he were only whimpering as a result of emotion.  
  
"You've never been the enemy, Keith." Shiro murmured. "Not to anyone but the Empire. You're good. You're kind and so _good_ , Keith. And _I_...I-just...I don't care what's in your veins."  
  
Keith didn't notice back then the way Shiro cut himself off, he just buried his face in Shiro's shoulder and mentally cursed him for being so...so _Shiro_ , thanked him for being so.  
  
"What did I do to deserve you?" he whispered in the moments to come, and Shiro only hummed, rocking them in the slightest sway, as he had been for many minutes now.  
  
"You didn't need to do anything." came the reply so faint he wondered if he imagined it.

* * *

 

"Wow... _'I cannot believe you would suggest he might think romantically of me, Mom! You're crazy, Mom. He sees me as a little brother, Mom!'_ "  
  
Keith growled and tugged his knees up so he could pout with his chin rested atop them. "Krolia...." he warned.  
  
Krolia smirked, gave him a look that screamed _"I told you so."_ and went about sharpening their shared blade. "I'm just saying." 

* * *

Not this.  
  
Any memory but this.  
  
Keith wanted to turn away, he would have. But it was entrancing seeing himself run up to Black, desperate and looking for all the world like someone who had lost everything. And he wondered if the other Paladins ever saw what he could see now. Though judging from their reactions to his grief...aside from Allura they obviously didn't.  
  
Keith saw a young man desperate, despairing, alone _again_. And it hurt. Like a physical blow to the chest, to see it again, to watch time shift from an empty chair in the Black Lion to the days he spent scouring the empty battleground for Shiro. Searching the galaxy, searching even when he was stationary on the castleship, watching the stars go by and wondering where he was. If he was safe, what he was doing. It was a fleeting sort of flashback, similar to his first.  
  
Keith turned on his heel, watching himself out of the corner of his eye and wishing beyond all wishes that this flashback would end. He didn't want to relive it. He couldn't do it. He blinked when the imagery around him shifted, like a glitch in a movie. A purple haze and disjointed voices reaching his ears. He spun in a panic, looking for the source, but all he could see between the darkness and the purple was himself and a flash of stormy eyes, backlit by violet and sinister in a way he didn't recognize. Metal screeched and he covered his ears, panting.  
  
"-we just have to get back to the castle."  
  
His own voice.  
  
"-should have abandoned you-"  
  
"-neither of us are leaving."  
  
Shiro's.  
  
_"I love you!"_  
  
His own again, desperate, half a sob.

The slash of a violent, magenta blade and the phantom pain of contact.

* * *

_"Stop!"_  
  
"Keith!" Krolia scrambled around the fire to fall to her knees beside him.  
  
"Tell me it's not real, Mom! He would never-Shiro wouldn't _do that!_ " Keith pleaded, his tears hot on his cheeks in the cold of the whale's imitation of the night.  
  
"I don't _know_ , Keith." Krolia said, gripping his shoulders to still him, "Calm down." she shushed, "Keith...my sweet boy."  
  
Keith shuddered and leaned into her hug, desperate for the comfort of his mother. Desperate for answers.  
  
"I don't know." Krolia repeated, "Keith...you may have to prepare for the possibility of these visions becoming true. Until you see otherwise, you need to operate under the assumption that something is going to happen to him in the future." she explained quietly, deathly calm in the face of such a daunting prospect.  
  
"But he was...there wasn't...there was something _wrong_ with him. I think-" Keith cut himself off to sniff and wipe at his face, "I think...he was _attacking_ me." he finished in a small, hoarse whisper. "Shiro wouldn't attack me."  
  
"Not under his own will." Krolia said, contemplative.  
  
Keith inhaled deeply, the air stuttering as he hiccuped, and then he breathed out in a deep sigh: "Not under his own will."  
  
"That's right, my sweet boy." Krolia soothed, "This may well happen. You must understand that."    
  
"I do." Keith whispered.  
  
"Then remember." Krolia sat back to hold his face in her hands, "Remember every detail and use it to your advantage when the time comes. Don't let anything happen to you. Do you hear me? I've just got you back Keith." Krolia pleaded, "Don't die."  
  
" _Mom_ -"  
  
" _Keith_." Krolia hung her head, "You're like your father. You're like me. I know what _I_ would do, and I'm asking you, if it comes down to a choice, you or him..." she left the sentence open, but Keith understood, and he frowned as he stared down at her hair. "Don't be like me. Promise me, Keith. _Please?_ "  
  
His silence prompted that she look up at him, and even seeing the desperation in her eyes he couldn't bring himself to say it. He gave a nod. "Okay." he purposefully avoided a promise, he couldn't give her a promise. And he could see in her eyes the sudden sadness that permeated their depths. She understood that he couldn't make that promise, but she gave a nod of her own despite it.

* * *

There wasn't much else to look back on, during their remaining year aboard the whale, and Keith grew saddened by his time away because of the fact that he had left for the Blades. It was never meant to be permanent but he couldn't bring himself to go back, not when he felt like Shiro belonged in the role of Black Paladin far more than Keith ever did. And during his time on the whale he grew to regret it, missing Shiro so much sometimes he would lay awake at night aching in his heart for him. He missed the other Paladins too, sometimes.  
  
Krolia understood better than most, and Keith accepted her comfort with as little begrudging as he could muster. She would tell him: " _At least you'll see him again, when we get back."_  
  
And they did. They did get back. And Keith saw so many visions of their future he couldn't quite organize them in his head. Some filled him with dread, others with peace, and the rest with anxiety. Of which was the most prominent. His heart pounded with it on the way to find the castle, and when he saw Shiro again...  
  
He had to furrow his brow at the way he stared wide eyed at him, a stutter on his lips and strangely enough a smile here and there. Keith tried not to acknowledge it, finding the Alteans and discovering Lotor's true intentions didn't leave room for the analysis of feelings and the possibility of romance. But Shiro wouldn't let it _go_. Keith felt his gaze positively _boring_ into him even while he was distracted.  
  
But of course things went downhill...so soon after his arrival he wondered absently if returning to the castle had been the trigger. Lotor was gone, kidnapped by _Shiro_ of all people, and Keith was hurtling toward the dark wormhole with every fiber of his being. Even though Black creaked and protested the efforts and even though he knew he was walking into a trap. He followed Shiro both when he fled through the wormhole and when he left the Galra ship.  
  
He would follow him _anywhere._  
  
Truly anywhere. And when it came down to it, he never would have fulfilled that promise even if he had made it.  
  
Keith screwed his eyes shut. Everything hurt, his body ached with bruises, his face burned where the blade had kissed his skin, his mind with the pain of Shiro's words. But at that very moment his arms hurt especially. His shoulders and fingers both burned with effort. On the one hand his fingers were clenched around the hilt of a dagger he knew would not hold them for long, and on the other his hand was wrapped so tightly around Shiro's remaining hand he almost feared he might break his wrist.  
  
Keith strained, trying and failing to pull them up. And then his knife slipped and he felt like his shoulders could have been pulled out of their sockets, fuck. They were going to die on some desolate moon if he didn't do something. He had to _do_ something.  
  
Keith looked down to where Shiro dangled limply, a couple hundred pounds weighing him down when he could scramble to safety if it weren't the case. And if his mother was here, she would be waiting for him to make his choice, urging him to make it soon. But looking down, seeing Shiro helpless in his arms, the many words of earlier echoing through his ears...  
  
_I love you!_  
  
How could he ever let him go?  
  
He knew it would never come down to that. He _couldn't_. So when the platform buckled and he was sent hurtling down to the planet below, he accepted it. The cry of fear and terror, was instinctual, but it only lasted a second, and then he was just freefalling stoically. Freefalling and staring down at Shiro's face, highlighted by the stars and the bright glow of the planet. He was beautiful, he was _everything_ , even though Keith knew this wasn't actually Shiro. He was glad to die with him, he decided.  
  
Keith gave a sigh as he stared down at Shiro, thinking back to all the good times they spent together, every beautiful memory. Funny how he had no regrets. He would rather die with Shiro than live without him, the fate of the universe be damned. There was never a question about it. Shiro was everything to him, he loved him, and so he closed his eyes in wait.

* * *

So much.  
  
So much happened. There was no break, Keith went straight from his absolutely brutal fight with Shiro to hurtling through space in Black with the real Shiro's spirit behind him as his wings, to fighting tooth and nail with Lotor, and then destroying the castle, restoring Shiro to his body, hoping his soul would take, heart almost breaking when it nearly _didn't_.  
  
Keith was exhausted, when was the last time he had slept? Maybe two days ago? God, he didn't even _know_. But he couldn't sleep now, Shiro was sitting with the other paladins, eating gingerly and fumbling with his limbs as he figured out how to function in a physical form again. And Keith watched him like a hawk, wondering how long it had been since Shiro _died_.  
  
He blinked to fight tears as he realized just how long it had been. Shiro was alone for a full year, stationary in endless planes of stars and utterly alone save for the Black Lion. It broke his heart.  
  
"Go to sleep, Keith." Krolia startled him out of his self-imposed task of keeping an eye on Shiro, "He'll still be here when you wake."  
  
Keith shook his head, "I'm fine, Mom. I'll go to bed when he does."  
  
Krolia frowned and turned to look at Shiro, "He's not been awake for an hour, my sweet boy. He'll be awake for much longer than that and you haven't slept in days. You look like death. _Go to bed_." she ordered gently.  
  
Keith only shook his head once more, "I can't. I can't do it."  
  
He just couldn't close his eyes and see the remnants of everything that had happened in the last days. Their fight was burned into the backs of his eyelids, he saw it every time he closed his eyes. It was too fresh to do anything other than try his very best not to think about it. And he just couldn't look away and sleep when he finally had his Shiro back and alive. He couldn't look away.  
  
"Oh Keith." Krolia sighed, planting a firm kiss to his forehead, and then Keith watched in mild alarm as she stood to approach Shiro, taking him aside to speak in hushed whispers. Keith blinked when Shiro glanced at him, and then he looked away when the former Black Paladin approached him. He stumbled as he sat beside Keith, and he had a steadying hand on Shiro's back before the man could even gasp as he lost his balance.  
  
"Thanks." Shiro scoffed a laugh, "Not used to it yet." he lifted what remained of his arm, "This doesn't really help with the balance either. It was a lot heavier... _before_." he finished lamely, frowning at the reminder of his death.  
  
Keith frowned for a different reason, if it was heavy before then why did Shiro sag into his arms when he first awoke in his new body? Shouldn't he have fallen _away?_

Keith blinked at the thought, and then down at the press of Shiro's thigh against his own. He looked up to see Shiro smiling sadly at him. "Your mother says you won't sleep."  
  
"I'm not tired." Keith refuted, even though his eyelids felt like they were weighed down.  
  
Shiro hummed with a smirk of amusement, "Not tired, hmm? I suppose that explains the dark circles." he reached his hand up to point, and then his face fell as he gently touched his thumb to the tip of the scar on Keith's cheek. Long healed - despite being just received - by his time in the quintessence field, it didn't sting when he dragged the calloused pad of his thumb across the reddened skin. Keith leaned into his touch with a murmur.  
  
"It's not your fault."  
  
Shiro blinked up at him, lips parting, "Isn't it?"  
  
Keith shook his head with a small smile, letting his eyes slide shut while he covered Shiro's hand with his own. "No. It was never your choice." he sighed, "So it wasn't your fault."  
  
_I still love you. I could never_ not _love you._  
  
The words wanted to escape, but now was not the time. Shiro had already said that his and the clone's memories were jumbled together in a knot that he couldn't seem to untangle just yet. It would take time for him to adjust, mentally and physically, and Keith would wait, as he always did. He had grown good at waiting.  
  
"Keith?"  
  
"Mmm?"  
  
"Will you sleep now? For your mother?" Shiro prodded, and at Keith's lack of response he added: "For _me?"_  
  
Keith frowned and sighed, turning in place and then laying on his back so he could rest with his head propped upon Shiro's lap. "I'll _nap_. Wake me in half an hour." he instructed, " _Half an hour_ , Shiro."   
  
"If you say so." Shiro whispered as he began to stroke his fingers through Keith's hair, longer now and brushing his back. He fell asleep in seconds, and as he would find out a full _nine hours_ later (to his mild chagrin), Shiro and his mother carried him to the makeshift bed in the Black Lion and let him have a full night's sleep. And as he would also learn from Krolia, Shiro never left his side the entire time he slept.

* * *

It had been a while since they left the belt, heading toward Earth in what had been determined as a journey that would take them a year and a half. A long time to be semi-alone in space, in a rather small space. But Keith and his mother were used to it. They had done it before, for longer, and with only one another. Now they had seven others to share their time with.  
  
Acxa left a few days before, taking a pod left behind at the abandoned Blade outpost as a ship. Where she was headed, exactly? Keith wasn't sure, but if anything he was glad that some people were still on their side.  
  
_Three_ _years._  
  
They didn't even notice, how could they have not noticed at all? Did anything change in the time between the castleship's explosion and the aftermath? God. Three _whole_ years Voltron was missing from the universe and the universe descended back into chaos. Most of their hard years of work gone as if they had never happened in the first place.  
  
It was a whole different feeling compared to physically living out two full years on a space whale full of memories and visions and coming back to see almost no time had passed at all. At least then it was a pocket of time that Keith alone had lived through, it didn't affect the whole universe. But to have been catapulted through time in the blink of an eye while the world moved on without you and to have missed so much, to inadvertently be the cause of so much destruction and ruin...it weighed on his mind.  
  
"Don't think _too_ hard."  
  
Keith fidgeted with the lever of his lion, leaning back in his seat to tilt his head back and spot Shiro in the entrance behind him. "Hey, you feeling good today?"  
  
Shiro was still a bit wobbly on his feet, but he stumbled no more, making his way over to the console and giving Black a soft pat before he planted his hand on his hip and leaned against the panels. "Yeah. I feel okay." he murmured, looking pensive as he stared at Keith. Steely grey eyes searching so intensely into his own.  
  
"Tired?" Keith prodded, gulping and turning his gaze away, why was Shiro looking at him like _that?_ Well, he knew _why_...at least he kind of thought he did. He really needed to stop listening to Krolia and her theories about the nature of their relationship. It was affecting his outlook and that was precisely what he told himself he wouldn't allow to happen.  
  
"No, actually. Just..." Shiro scoffed and smiled lopsidedly as he gestured to his head, "Filtering through memories, mostly."  
  
"I have a space whale friend who could give you a hand with that." Keith said with a slight smile.  
  
Shiro looked confused.  
  
Keith laughed and set the controls to the lion aside. "I suppose I never told you guys the specifics, did I?"  
  
"No you didn't." Shiro said, then grimaced, "Or maybe you did and I just don't remember it right."  
  
Keith frowned and crossed his arms as he leaned back in his seat, "What's it like?"  
  
Shiro mirrored his deep frown and turned to look out the viewscreen. "I remember everything, but I have two sets of memories for the same time frames, so I have to...untangle what's a memory from my clone and what's just me daydreaming in the astral plane." he furrowed his brow and turned his gaze to the floor, "Sounds easier than it is."  
  
Keith nodded, looking up at him forlornly while he waited for the sudden dour mood to abate.  
  
Shiro looked back at him with a smile, and then it fell as he opened his mouth to speak, halting and hesitant, " _Hey_...Keith?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Shiro looked nervous now, hand fidgeting with the controls but not pushing anything. He seemed to weigh his options before he approached cautiously. Keith straightened as he came to a halt beside his chair, biting his lip before he spoke again. "Back in the facility-"  
  
"Shiro, I've _told_ you-"  
  
"Keith, _please_." Shiro pressed his fingers to his temple, "Just listen to me."  
  
Keith's teeth clicked as his jaw snapped shut.  
  
Shiro scoffed a laugh, and he couldn't seem to meet Keith's gaze while he gathered himself, "What you said, when...just before," he lifted his arm in a gesture and Keith winced, trying his best not to look away at the reminder, "Did you mean it?"  
  
Keith had to wonder for a moment what he meant, "Mean what?" he murmured. And then he remembered, eyes going wide.  
  
Shiro smiled again, fond gaze fixed on some point of the pilot's seat, "That you love me."  
  
Keith gulped and looked down at his lap, "Yes." he murmured.  
  
Shiro shuffled, and Keith's gaze was drawn back up at the sadness in his next words, "Like a brother." he said, tone suggesting he believed that it was set in stone, and Keith blinked at him. Shiro's mood seemed to go more solemn at his continued silence. He seemed to make a motion like crossing his arms, and then remembering he didn't have two anymore he awkwardly rested his palm on the back of the chair. "I see."  
  
" _Shiro_." Keith gave a breathless laugh, "You didn't let me answer."  
  
Shiro stared at him.  
  
"Did you want me to say _no, I love you like a lover?"_ he asked with a curious tilt of his head, and Shiro turned bright red. Keith took a deep breath, delight pulsing through his veins at the confirmation, he couldn't believe this was happening. He didn't hesitate to take his chance. "Because I _do_." he added in a low voice, and steel grey snapped up to meet violet from where it had been wandering in embarrassment.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Keith bit his lip and nodded, "Yeah."  
  
Shiro chuckled softly, looking down and scratching at the back of his head before he gave a sharp sigh. He moved to step around the front of the chair and practically collapse into Keith's lap. Keith leaned up into the hug and buried his face in Shiro's neck, breathing deep and sighing with relief. It was an awkward fit, Shiro's thighs on either side of his own, the chair tilting back at a precarious angle and making them giggle simultaneously and nervously at the loss of balance.  
  
"Keith, I don't know what to say."  
  
"You don't have to say anything." Keith murmured against his neck, and at the hitch in Shiro's breath he nuzzled against it more firmly. His fingers made their way up into Shiro's hair and stroked softly, earning himself a soft sigh and a murmur of delight from him.  
  
"Can I say I love you too?"  
  
Keith laughed and pulled back to tug Shiro down, pressing his lips to his in a tender kiss because now he could. Oh...at least he _thought_ so. Keith broke away almost immediately and looked up at Shiro's flustered smile, "Sorry, I should have asked."  
  
Shiro shook his head, "No, no...that was okay. That was fine. Really good... _okay_." he cleared his throat and plastered his hand over his face with a chuckle.  
  
Keith reached up to pull him back down, and Shiro followed his urging without hesitation. The second kiss was just as soft, a catch and slide of lips, careful and exploratory. Keith tilted his head and Shiro hummed just barely, lips parting to allow him access. He brushed his tongue past and into Shiro's mouth before he withdrew a bit.  
  
"You okay?" Keith mumbled against his lips.  
  
"Yeah." Shiro breathed, hand fisting gently in Keith's hair to pull him up and further into the kiss. Keith grinned against him and then he was gone, pressed back into the seat while Shiro encroached on his space and took and _took_ from his lips like a man tasting water after a week without in the desert. Desperate and needy. Keith groaned at the talented way his lips and his tongue moved, hands sliding down Shiro's back and into a less appropriate place. Shiro jolted as he squeezed teasingly before moving to grasp his thighs.  
  
"Too much?" he rasped.  
  
"No." Shiro panted, pulling back to pepper kisses down his jaw, pressing a particularly soft and tender kiss to his scar before he continued downward. Keith tilted his head back and scoffed a laugh of disbelief, biting his lip when Shiro tugged the edge of his suit down and nipped and suckled gently at the newly exposed skin. Not so bashful now, huh?  
  
" _Shiro_." he murmured.  
  
Shiro just kissed his way back up, breathless and pupils blown as he dragged his fingers down Keith's jaw and covered his lips in an open-mouthed kiss. Wet and slick and delicious and... _oh fuck_. Keith suspected if circumstances were just slightly different Black might have thrown them out of the cockpit for being so salacious. As it was, Shiro was starting to wiggle a little _too_ _pointedly_ in his lap to be anything other than what it was. And Keith helped him along, hands gripping tight at wide hips and pulling him into an easy grind that had both of them soon gasping into one another's mouths.  
  
"Been a while since I did this." Shiro huffed when Keith looked up at him inquisitively as he pulled back.  
  
"Still okay?" Keith ran one hand down Shiro's thigh and he nodded, the leathery material of the chair backing creaking under his grip as it tightened.  
  
"Yeah...yeah more than okay." Shiro rasped, and Keith leaned up to lave his tongue against the sharp cut of his jaw. "Keith," he continued, letting out a low moan that churned a dormant fire in Keith's belly and he supposed he couldn't be blamed for not hearing the door slide open. "Keith could you-"  
  
There was a strangled, garbling noise from above and Keith pulled back from where he had sucked a dark bruise into existence beneath the line of Shiro's suit. He tilted his head back and spotted his mother, smug, arms crossed and smirking as she stood in the doorway. "Hey Mom." Keith grinned, and she returned it, though movement from Shiro had him realizing that he was downright mortified, having scrambled from Keith's lap like it burned him.  
  
"K-Krolia. Hi. _Hello_." he stammered, bright red and gaze shifting from her piercing eyes to the floor in rapid succession.  
  
" _Ahh_." Krolia said as she strode forward, "It _was_ strangely quiet in here." she said, and Shiro seemed to subconsciously keep his distance, as if he feared scrutiny from her. And Keith supposed maybe his mother could be a _little_ intimidating, but if anything Krolia was rooting for their relationship more than Keith himself had been.  
  
"I should go, yeah. Um... _Keith_...yeah." Shiro looked up at Keith with a brief smile before he practically ran away. The door slid shut behind him and Keith chuckled breathlessly while Krolia turned to him with a low laugh.  
  
"I think he's scared of me." Krolia hummed as she looked back at the door.  
  
"You're a scary mother." Keith pointed out, and Krolia conceded that with a nod, "And he might be more embarrassed you saw him on my lap than anything."  
  
Krolia grinned, "Sorry to interrupt your mating."  
  
Keith sputtered, "We weren't... _mating!_ We were just kissing a bit..." he turned his gaze down and fidgeted with a loose thread in the seat of his lion.  
  
"You don't kiss like that without it leading to mating." Krolia crossed her arms and gave him a raised brow, "I know _that_ for a fact." she added teasingly, and Keith winced.  
  
"Please don't remind me."  
  
"Why don't you go let him know I have no intention of harming him over finally making a move." Krolia ushered with a wave of her hand.  
  
Keith chuckled as he stood to follow Shiro, "That's a good idea."  
  
He was sitting on the makeshift bed, foot tapping and his gaze heavy on the floor when Keith entered, and he crossed his arms with a smile as he watched him. So severe and concentrated as he was, he didn't seem to notice him.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Keith blinked, _"What?"_  
  
Shiro chuckled and blushed, scratching at the back of his head, "I got carried away."  
  
Keith scoffed and moved to sit cross-legged before him, "Mom didn't mind. I _definitely_ didn't mind." he said, grinning up at Shiro deviously, "Not one bit. Wish we could have gone further if I'm honest."  
  
Shiro shrugged and moved to cross his arms before he was reminded - again - that he couldn't. He fumbled with a place to rest his hand and settled for his own thigh, thumb rolling nervous circles into the skin. "I really didn't mean to go so far, so fast, though." he began, avoiding Keith's gaze, "I think I'm a bit...touch starved."  
  
Keith tilted his head curiously, "What do you mean?"  
  
Shiro scoffed a laugh and hunched his shoulders, "Touching you...kissing you...feels... _extra?"_ he squinted at the floor, "I can't really explain it, just feels like I've never felt it before and I can't wait to feel it again. Like I'm a bit suffocated fitting in a body again. Like...this body is a box and when you touch me it knocks down a wall in the box." he turned his gaze up to Keith, frowning, "Does that make any sense?"  
  
Keith nodded as he shuffled to his knees, "Yeah. I'm sure I can't understand completely, though." he grasped Shiro's hand and turned it over, making eye contact as he brushed his fingers against Shiro's palm through the glove. Keith felt a twinge of satisfaction when Shiro's shoulders slumped, pupils blown and dazed as he stared down at him. Light pressure on the inside of his wrist and his breath hitched, Keith just smiled and removed the brace on his forearm, letting it fall and clatter to the ground a little too loudly in the echoing space. "Nice?" Keith asked as he trailed his fingers up past Shiro's wrist and toward his elbow, rubbing firmly into the skin beneath with a thumb.  
  
Shiro nodded, exhaling breathily.  
  
Keith pulled his hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to his palm, then his wrist, keeping eye contact as much as was possible, and Shiro's chest heaved sharply with the quickening of his breath. "Just so you know, Shiro," Keith murmured as he suckled briefly over Shiro's wrist, wetting the area slightly, "You can get carried away with me _whenever you want_." Keith nipped gently at the suit, wishing he had a bared wrist to lave attention onto. In any case Shiro breathed out half a moan before he was biting his lip and turning his head with a disbelieving smile.  
  
" _God_ , Keith."  
  
If hearing that didn't reignite a thousand long buried fantasies from his teen years...  
  
Keith surged up and moved into his lap, cradling the back of his head as he avoided the kiss Shiro seemed to think he was going for and instead let his lips brush against his cheek down to his jaw. He licked and sucked lightly, wanting to leave a mark but not wanting to embarrass Shiro. He moved down and began peeling Shiro's suit away from his neck and nipped at the skin, feeling his swift pulse beneath his mouth.  
  
Shiro squirmed beneath him and it made him smile even as he stroked his tongue over the slowly reddening flesh and began to suckle sharply at it. And he steadied himself with a hand on Shiro's shoulder as he jolted in surprise and rasped out a strangled version of Keith's name. He pulled back to lick and soothe the swell of red and purple that was rising to the surface of Shiro's skin, moving down until the cuirass of the armor blocked his progression, of which he unhooked and mindlessly tossed to the side.  
  
"Careful with that." Shiro whispered, low and rumbling and Keith shivered. Finally hearing that after having imagined it for so _long_... He wondered how long _Shiro_ may have imagined this? Hoped for it.  
  
Keith pulled back and closed his eyes as he rested his forehead against Shiro's. "Shiro...when-when did you...?" he whispered back, and then he blinked his eyes open and looked up at him.  
  
Shiro was breathing heavily, hand roaming up and fingers kneading into the dip of Keith's spine. "When did I what?"  
  
" _Heh_." Keith chuckled and ducked his head, "When did you fall in love with me?"  
  
Shiro bit his lip and smiled, " _Ah_...a while ago."  
  
"A _long_ while ago for me." Keith said, and Shiro blinked as he glanced up at him, brow furrowing. "But...specifically, when did you _know?"_ he prodded.  
  
Shiro kissed him chastely, pulling back and swiping his tongue over his lip. "Sometime around when we rescued Allura from Zarkon I think? After...when we were stranded." he clarified, "I think that's when I started feeling different. Or rather started _noticing_ I felt different for you."  
  
Keith nodded, feeling guilty about his own beginning. It sucked...it was fucked up, and it was upsetting. Granted it was an innocent crush at first, it grew unbridled and rather obsessive. He liked to think he eventually reined in it, though sometimes he wondered if he ever truly did. His heart started to pound and his spine prickled with a chill at the thought as Shiro looked at him expectantly. "Before Kerberos. A while before." he murmured.  
  
Shiro's face fell a bit, his smile faltering and his brow furrowing further, "Oh... _oh_." he bit his lip and hummed, "That must have been hard."  
  
Keith winced and pulled his hands back to rest in Shiro's lap, looking to the side and nodding, "Yeah."  
  
"I guess I kind of knew?" Shiro said as he glanced down, obviously reminiscing, "You were very..." he broke off to chuckle, " _Attentive_."  
  
Keith frowned and kept his gaze on the makeshift mattress. More like _obsessive_ , he mused to himself. And he felt Shiro prodding his hand pointedly at his thigh, a gentle rubbing circle and a stroke up and down. Keith ignored it and inhaled sharply when Shiro turned his face toward him once more, watching him insightfully. "What's wrong, Keith?"  
  
Keith blinked and lifted his gaze, "Just... _ah_...I've been waiting for this a long time, and I didn't...wait _well_ :"  
  
Shiro just stared at him, easy smile lifting his lips, "What does that mean?"  
  
Keith leaned forward to kiss him once, twice, and then pulled away to get himself out of Shiro's lap and settled beside him instead. "I did things I'm not proud of. Lots of emotional baggage there." he said with a mirthless chuckle, smile dropping as he continued, "Hurt a friend..."  
  
"I remember something about that. You were more upset than I've ever seen you." Shiro murmured, looking for all the world the definition of confused. "What does that have to do with _me?"_  
  
Keith wanted to explain, he really did, but the words stuck in his throat like thick tar. "Everything and nothing at all. Mostly just stupidity on my part."  
  
"Keith?"  
  
He glanced at Shiro, waiting for him to continue his question, prod for more answers. But Shiro surprised him instead by taking his hand and stroking his thumb over the gloved knuckles, "I'm really curious, don't doubt that, but you don't look _ready_ to talk about it." Keith made to protest and Shiro fixed him with a stern look, "Keith, I _know_ you, you've got that look on your face, like it hurts to even think about. Like you wanna shut me out but you're fighting it. It can wait, you know. We have more than a year together doing nothing but crossing space to unpack everything."  
  
"Shouldn't I just get it over with?" Keith asked morosely, "Like ripping off a bandaid?"  
  
Shiro smiled at him fondly, "Not if you're not ready."  
  
Keith glanced up at him again, shaking his head with a disbelieving smile, "I really don't deserve you." he whispered hoarsely.  
  
_I really, really don't._  
  
Shiro chuckled, "Who's to say? You've saved me more times than I can count." he brushed a lock of Keith's hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear, pausing to stroke at the strands and tenderly down his jaw. "I think you've more than earned me, but you never _needed_ to - earn me that is - in the first place. You know that, right?"  
  
Keith nodded, though his lower lip wobbled and he had to look at his feet and blink rapidly to avoid crying. He didn't want to cry right now. He wanted to bask in Shiro and the new, fragile bond between them. Maybe there was a point to waiting, maybe it would stomp on the delicate flower that was this new relationship if he didn't. Maybe it wouldn't be fixable afterwards. Maybe Keith was just blowing everything out of proportion.  
  
There were too many _maybe's_ and he just wanted to escape them for a while. Keith leaned his head on Shiro's shoulder and heaved a sigh. A change of subject is what they needed, he decided, and he shuffled so their thighs were touching. "Next planet we land on we should spend some time in here by ourselves. Uninterrupted."  
  
Shiro was silent for a time before he replied, "Why's that?"    
  
Keith grinned and turned to glance up at him through his lashes, "So I can take my time ravishing you like you deserve."  
  
Shiro's breath hitched and Keith reveled in the blush that he received, "Keith... How can you just _say_ things like that?" Shiro asked as he rubbed his hand over his face and bit his lip.  
  
"You don't like it?" Keith queried.  
  
Shiro shook his head, "It's not that, it's just... _embarrassing_." he chuckled.  
  
"We're all alone in here, Shiro." Keith said, and then he leaned up, lips brushing the shell of Shiro's ear, "There's no one to be embarrassed _for_." he murmured, keeping his grin. Shiro shoved him lightly with a scoff before he seemed to change his mind and gripped Keith's chin to pull him in for another kiss. Deep and scorching, tantalizing and a promise of more.  
  
Keith walked back to the pilot's chair maybe twenty minutes later with disheveled hair and a bright flush on his cheeks that his mother only smirked upon seeing.

* * *

Keith shuffled on his belly and moved to feel the space where Shiro was supposed to be, tapping around when his hand met a cold blanket instead of what should have been a warm body. He blinked awake, lifting his head and eyeing the room in bleary confusion. It was late...well, late if they were on any sort of planet. In space there wasn't any indicator of time in the slightest, so they had to rely on clocks at all times. Not too hard as they had grown used to such a thing already, but at least the castle had brightened or dimmed depending on the time of day.

Shiro took to sleeping next to Keith almost immediately, and they both slept better for it, that much was obvious. No more dark circles under their eyes from nightmares and insomnia. Or so it seemed.  
  
Keith sat up and hoisted himself to his feet with a groan, heading toward the cockpit when he heard his muffled voice. The door slid open and Shiro leaned back from where he had been resting his chin on his hand against the controls. Pidge glanced at Keith from where she was speaking to Shiro on the comm, offering him a sheepish smile.  
  
"Hey, Keith." she waved.  
  
Keith responded with a grunt and moved to drape himself over Shiro's back, face buried between his shoulders.  
  
"What's up?" Shiro asked, and Keith grumbled into his shirt. He and Pidge exchanged a laugh and Shiro sat up so Keith was forcibly dislodged and left to stand cross-armed beside the chair. "What was that?"  
  
"I was _wondering_ where you were." Keith said.  
  
"Pidge called." Shiro explained, and suddenly the girl in question looked meek, rubbing her shoulders and glancing away from the screen.  
  
"I can see that." Keith said with a smile, "What's going on, Pidge? It's really late, you know, we've got long days. You should be sleeping."  
  
Pidge frowned and Shiro looked up at Keith pleadingly, mouthing "Can you excuse us for a minute?"  
  
Keith furrowed his brow before he looked back at Pidge, noting the red-rimmed eyes, sallow skin and overall disheveled look she had about her. He supposed it would make sense if she was having personal issues to reach out to Shiro, he was closest to her out of all of them, sharing history with her family and all long before Keith had ever entered the picture.  
  
" _Oh_." Keith breathed, and then he turned a warm smile Pidge's way, "I'll let you talk, then." he said, and she nodded with a grateful smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.  
  
"Thanks, Keith."  
  
Keith shrugged and left, going back to the mattress and burrowing beneath the covers, eyes left open to stare at the other end of the storage room while he waited. And he waited a while, it felt like half an hour passed before Shiro was slipping back beneath the blanket and sidling up to him. Keith had started to doze, and he gasped awake at the dip in the cushions.  
  
"S'just me." Shiro murmured, laying to face Keith with a hand stroking at his cheek affectionately.  
  
Keith covered that hand with his own and smiled sleepily before he scooted closer to nuzzle into Shiro's chest (an act he had taken a severe liking to now that he was allowed). He heaved a sigh and whispered to avoid waking Krolia, "What was Pidge calling for?"  
  
Shiro cleared his throat and shuffled in place, hand moving to play with the hem of Keith's shirt in distraction. "She's the only one who doesn't have a flight partner." he began, and Keith nodded against his collarbone.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"She said she had a nightmare."  
  
Keith looked up at him then, pulling back a ways to study the pointed look Shiro was giving him. "About her parents?"  
  
"She didn't say." Shiro said, and then he bit his lip as he avoided Keith's gaze, "I'm going to ride with her for a while, starting tomorrow." he glanced at Keith briefly before he turned to roll onto his back, "She needs the company, I think."  
  
Keith had to bite down the urge to argue that someone else could go. Because he wanted to be a little selfish and keep Shiro once he had him. But he had Krolia and Kosmo, and he had the assurance that Shiro loved him back. He heaved a sigh and nodded, nudging his face against Shiro's chest.  
  
"Okay. I'll have Kosmo take you in the morning." he murmured as he stroked his hand down Shiro's torso and tucked it beneath his shirt so he could slide it back up against warm skin. Shiro twitched and chuckled a bit, ticklish from the light touch.  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
Keith hummed, "You don't need my permission."  
  
"But you do _mind_." Shiro pointed out, and Keith flushed with indignance even as he hid his face in Shiro's neck.  
  
"A _little_." he whispered.  
  
Shiro shuffled and Keith made a low noise of surprise when he hauled him up with his hand on his thigh, guiding him into laying across him lengthwise. Keith chuckled amidst his confusion and met the kiss he was offered without hesitation. It was slow and languid, tongues mingling and a soft hum of pleasure goaded from Keith before he could silence it. Shiro turned the heat up quickly, churning the cooling embers in Keith's belly to a roiling flame in seconds. He was a little startled when Shiro slipped his hand beneath the waistband of his pajama pants and cupped the swell of his ass in a firm grip. Keith glanced up to see that Kosmo and Krolia were still asleep on the opposite side of the bay, parting from Shiro with a wet gasp and a parting lick.  
  
"What are you doing?" he rasped, and Shiro used his borderline obscene grip to pull Keith's hips into a subtle grind, offering him a rather innocent smile.  
  
"I want to enjoy you while I have you." he said, and then he flushed and bit his lip as he looked down.  
  
Keith laughed and covered his lips as he watched Shiro's expression go from sultry to embarrassed in less than half a second. "You're a _dork_." he whispered, sitting up to toss his shirt over his head. Shiro smiled up at him and squeezed the handful of flesh he had, making Keith sigh and rock his hips. Shiro's grip tightened and Keith redoubled on his previously half-hearted efforts. "Gonna miss you." Keith surprised himself in speaking, mostly because of how breathless he was already and all they had done was a little bump and grind.  
  
Shiro panted even as he smiled, flushed and looking more than a little dazed as Keith reached between them to cup and palm at him. "Yeah..." he breathed, voice thick and rough, quietened for fear of waking Krolia. Though - if Keith knew her - she probably woke up when Keith did. _Bless her for allowing us at least a semblance of privacy_ was all he could afford to think when Shiro was delving his fingertips into places Keith had only ever fantasized about him touching before.  
  
He surged down to capture Shiro's lips in a frenzy of a kiss, tongue and teeth, a low moan from Shiro that sounded a little more whiny and wanton than Keith had imagined he would hear from the man. He moved his lips to Shiro's jaw, pace quickening and his throat tight with strangled whimpers and moans that he was trying desperately to quell. Even if Krolia was likely awake he would try his best to be discreet. His best wasn't very _good_ , granted.  
  
Shiro had planted his feet on the makeshift mattress and was bucking up into Keith's downward motions, and by the way he bit his lip, eyes screwed shut, he was close. Keith had to pull back so he could watch him, map all the lines of his face, the way his lip turned rosy and purplish under the harsh bite of his teeth, the twist of his brows and the way his throat bobbed as he swallowed a moan, thick lashes fluttering against his flushed cheeks. They were speckled white like snow in some places, Keith noticed, and he pressed a kiss to the corner of one eye, making Shiro peek out from beneath those very lashes at him. He offered a breathless smile, and Shiro finally pulled his hand away to bite at his knuckle, a whimper escaping him despite his attempts to muffle it.  
  
Keith watched in fascination as Shiro fell apart, all because of _him_. The moment he had envisioned for ages and he could never be farther from the truth. It was far more intoxicating to see than his imagination could ever supply. He didn't take long to follow, and belatedly reminded himself that perhaps soiling the one pair of pajama pants he had _wasn't_ the best idea. Too late now, he supposed, and Shiro was in the same boat after all.  
  
Shiro's hand on his neck distracted him, pulling him down into a searing kiss, slow and debauched, broken occasionally by their heaving breath and the gentle laziness that came with coitus. Keith went willingly when Shiro rolled them onto their sides, his leg coming to rest atop Shiro's hip and a contented smile pulling at his lips. Keith let Shiro stare, let him brush his thumb over the perfect curve of the scar spanning his cheek. He closed his eye as the thumb brushed against his lashes, and he kept smiling even as Shiro's face grew a little sad. But he wasn't going to repeat himself. Shiro knew it wasn't his fault, but Keith knew that didn't mean he had to be happy about it.  
  
He nuzzled into the palm that cupped his cheek, nibbled at the skin there and felt his heart seize with warmth when Shiro chuckled softly.  
  
"I love you." Keith murmured, and the words came _so_ easily, so _naturally_ , it felt as though he had been saying them his entire life. Like his soul was linked to this man and it had gone at ease by hearing him say it. It felt _wonderful_.  
  
Shiro blinked and nodded, looking suddenly emotional, and Keith kissed him again, a soft peck, a catch and slide of lips, and then he was pulling back to swipe his own thumbs across Shiro's cheeks. He wasn't crying, but his breath was wet and his eyes were shining. "I love _you_." he whispered, and then a bright smile breached his face and Keith accepted his eager hug, gentle kiss and soft laugh with a too-loud giggle that had them both freezing and then laughing more hushed in their nervousness.  
  
"She's probably awake anyway." Keith murmured, and Shiro went red again, glancing up to see her lying too still for someone deep in sleep.  
  
" _Fuck_." he rasped.  
  
"She doesn't mind." Keith assured, swiping starlight bangs away from Shiro's forehead, slightly damp from their activities. "She actually encourages me when I talk to her." he gave a low hum of a laugh, "I think she wants a son-in-law."  
  
Shiro chuckled nervously, " _O-oh?"_  
  
Keith pulled back, biting his lip, "Heh. I'm not suggesting anything so forward, Shiro."  
  
Shiro looked sheepish.  
  
"Though we are doing things a little backwards anyway. We never went on dates or anything."  
  
"I didn't think dates were your thing." Shiro murmured, "I think you like to get to know someone more genuinely."  
  
Keith tilted his head, "Dates _aren't_ genuine?"  
  
Shiro furrowed his brow, "No, I mean..." he paused to think his words through, "People like to put on facades for dates, they dress up, they only talk about interesting things, they kind of try to cultivate a more perfect image of themselves. But you don't."  
  
"Maybe I _do?_  You've never been on a date with me." Keith smirked, and Shiro scoffed.  
  
"I mean you didn't ever cover up anything like that. You've always been blunt and straightforward about who you are and what you want and how you feel." he swiped Keith's hair away from his face and repeatedly stroked the locks as he thought about it, "It's part of why I love you so much. I never...I mean...by now I can never doubt anything you say to me." he admitted, and Keith froze up.  
  
"But...I've told you there's things I'm not telling you-"  
  
"Exactly." Shiro said with a smile, "You _told_ me." he watched Keith as he realized the full extent of his words. Keith had never thought about it like that before.  
  
"And...what about me not telling you I loved you? I kept that from you for a long time."  
  
Shiro shrugged, "So did I." he chuckled, "But I'm ninety percent sure that's what all couples in the romance movies do. It's cliche isn't it? Look at us, two walking cliches."  
  
Keith frowned, "We're laying down."  
  
Shiro barked a laugh and rolled onto his back, hand pressed to his lips and eyes wide in fear as he checked on Krolia again. Of whom was still as a board.  
  
"My point stands." Shiro murmured as his body stopped quaking from laughter, and Keith sighed.  
  
"And when I tell you and it's not pleasant...?" Keith whispered, and Shiro turned concerned eyes to him, keeping his gaze for a long time.  
  
"Then we'll deal with it. Hell, I might even be mad for a few days." Shiro said, and Keith's breath hitched with fear of that very scenario. Shiro raised a brow, "A few weeks? But that's what happens in relationships. We gotta work through it. Nothing's perfect...even you." Shiro chuckled at that, "Despite how much I want to believe that."  
  
Keith shook his head, "I'm not perfect."  
  
"You could have fooled me." Shiro said with a smile.  
  
Keith rolled his eyes and moved atop him  to kiss him again, parting from it with a wet smack and glancing up to meet his mother's gaze. He offered her a shrug and she had laughter and pride in her eyes as she rolled over. Glancing back down at Shiro he heaved a sigh, "Do you have spare pants?"  
  
He did...  
  
They didn't fit.

* * *

The flight was quiet for a few days after their fight with Macidus.  
  
Krolia stayed behind and Keith was already feeling the hollow space of her absence. Funny how he had gone his entire life without her and yet after only a couple years she embedded herself into his life so thoroughly he didn't like to imagine it without her again.  
  
Kosmo helped. He seemed to understand that Keith was lonely, and he spent his time nestled at his feet, licking at his armor every now and then with a low whine that made Keith smile down at him and ruffle the fur behind his ears.  
  
Shiro checked in once or twice a day when they weren't all talking across open comms. And Keith would smile and tell himself that the next planet they landed on he would be free to talk to him and hold him in an intimate, private space again. If only for a night. He needed to talk to him. There were dark circles under Keith's eyes when he spotted his reflection, Black often rumbled her concerns when she found that he wasn't sleeping. Not for lack of trying, he just couldn't get the image of Macidus out of his head. The druid may have been dead, but he haunted Keith's dreams and left him staring at the ceiling at night, blood chilled and eyes stinging with his weariness.  
  
They didn't land on any planets for a long time. It drove him a little nuts, if Keith were totally honest. Though he supposed operating on the interactions from his fellow Paladins helped, and Kosmo bringing food every day from Hunk often lifted his spirits. But some nights, when the lions would drift on low thrusters to save power, he found himself pacing to exhaust himself. As if he weren't already exhausted enough. And even when he collapsed onto his bedding he would roll around for at least two of the allotted seven hours they would sleep (disturbing Kosmo, who was starting to grow irritable about it). And that was after having paced for another couple hours of sleep.  
  
Keith sat up and scrubbed at his face, feeling like absolute shit. He was coming up on one hour left to sleep...he wasn't going to fall asleep in time. Black crooned softly in his head, a wave of concern and prodding.  
  
_Lay down._  
  
_Sleep._  
  
The feeling nudged at him, not quite in words but in the semblance of suggestion.  
  
"I can't." Keith rasped in exasperation, running circles into his temples. "What do you think I'm _trying_ to do? I just can't sleep."  
  
He was granted feelings of safety, protection, and he shook his head with a sigh.  
  
"No. I don't think you can help."  
  
There was silence, hesitation, and then a word projected not quite clearly:  
  
_Try._  
  
Keith shook his head again, "I'm already running too late. The other Paladins will be up in just over an hour, Black."  
  
_Try tomorrow._  
  
" _Black_ -"  
  
_Dangerous._  
  
_Worried._  
  
_Scared._  
  
Keith frowned at that last one, "It's not _that_ bad Black."  
  
Black projected feelings of sorrow, and Keith's breath hitched at the pain she had felt when she lost not one, not two, but three of her Paladins. One because he was turned away by darkness, another to death, _twice_ , (Keith shuddered at that and hugged himself at the thought) and him because he left his post.  
  
She didn't blame him for it, but she was nervous. She didn't want to lose her Paladin yet again.  
  
"You're not going to lose me." Keith murmured, laying on his side and stroking a finger over the cold metal floor, then a palm, trying to soothe her. "We'll try tomorrow. And if that doesn't work-"  
  
_Shiro._  
  
Keith blinked at the suggestion, "What do you mean?"  
  
Images of talking, of kissing...of what they had done only a few weeks ago in the very same room.  
  
_Help._  
  
Keith chuckled softly, "Yeah, maybe. I'll try, Black. I _will_. Just...keep me company while I wait for the others to wake up?" he suggested, and the cargo bay filled with the rumble of her growl, comforting and like a purr, almost. It soothed him into a light doze, enough to feel like he had almost gotten to sleep but not enough to give him rest once their collective alarms began ringing. Black silenced it quickly enough, but Keith rose from bed grumpy and disheveled all the same, absolutely exhausted.  
  
Greetings were said, Keith didn't miss the startled look Shiro afforded him when he saw him. Usually he had his helmet on first so it wasn't so blatantly obvious he was doing awful. He offered him a strained smile and Shiro's brows pinched, a deep frown marring his features.  
  
Keith shied away and turned his attention to calling out their agenda for the day. Krolia's simulations were supposed to happen, but Keith figured he would be too tired and decided to bump them a couple days. The goal for the day was to make it halfway to the planet Pidge had caught on her scanners, close but not close enough to reach within one day. They were exhausted despite the breaks they took daily. Keith understood the jitters. They were all experiencing a form of restlessness that could only be achieved from this particular form of isolation and small spaces.  
  
The day was long, and Keith kept his cameras off so his fellow Paladins (namely Shiro) couldn't see just how bad off he was. He didn't need him... _them_...worrying more than necessary. Though toward the end of their day's journey Keith glanced at the pinging chime of a request for video feed from Pidge, separate channel.  
  
He stared at it for a good ten seconds, slightly hoping that Shiro might only let it ring for so long. But there was literally no excuse _not_ to answer, so Keith heaved a sigh and tapped accept. "Hey." he said with a smile as soon as the video opened up.  
  
Shiro crowded up to the camera, looking him over with a keen eye, and despite his armor Keith felt naked before him. Everything bared and his body aching with the need to have Shiro near and listening and touching. God he _missed_ him.  
  
"Keith." Shiro breathed, weary and tinged with desperation, "What's wrong, baby?"  
  
Keith blinked and turned his gaze to the viewscreen, fidgeting with Black's controls. "I don't want to talk about it over comms."  
  
"Can you send Kosmo over tonight? _Please?_ You look like...like-" Shiro trailed off and scoffed, "I need to make sure you're okay."  
  
Keith bit his lip, "What about Pidge?"  
  
"I'll trade places with Kosmo for a couple days, they get along." Shiro negotiated, and Keith smiled, closing his eyes and wishing he could keep them closed without flashes of that face and the masks and the magic and the phantom pain in his hand from when he had been burned emerging to the forefront of his memory.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Keith..." Shiro prodded, and Keith opened eyes that felt like they were weighed down by the force of anvils. "I love you."  
  
Keith murmured the sentiment back and leaned back in his seat with a deep sigh, giving Shiro a warm look before he opened the comms. "Okay guys, that's good enough for today, get some sleep. Pidge, I'm sending Kosmo over to trade places with Shiro for a night, if you don't mind."  
  
Pidge gave him a knowing look, though it was more smug than worried and he had to wonder if she thought he was borrowing Shiro for less than innocent purposes. "That's _fine_ with me." she drawled... _yeah_ , she was definitely thinking that.  
  
Keith rolled his eyes and reached a hand over to Kosmo after he turned the comms off again, "Could you fetch Shiro for me, buddy?"  
  
Kosmo snuffled and licked his gloved hand, and then in a flash of light and the scent of ozone he was gone, returning seconds later with a disheveled Shiro who stumbled a bit and planted his hand on the wall for balance.  
  
" _Woah_." Shiro laughed breathlessly, and then his mood went somber as he turned to Keith again. "Wasn't expecting Kosmo so soon." he said as he approached, and Keith gave Kosmo a pointed look, signaling that he head back to the Green Lion. Kosmo obliged, and then they were alone, and Keith didn't really know what to say.  
  
"Keith...what's going on?"  
  
Keith just stared up at him and beckoned him closer, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his face in the smooth surface of his suit. A deep sigh and a heavy lean against him and Shiro was running his fingers through his hair.  
  
"Keith?"  
  
Keith shrugged his shoulders, "I can't sleep." he murmured in explanation.  
  
"I can see _that_." Shiro prodded, and Keith rested his chin against Shiro's belly so he could look up at him with a frown.  
  
"I think it was my fight. My fight with the druid." Keith said, brows furrowing, "Just made me restless and I keep thinking about it."  
  
"Did you sleep at all last night?" Shiro asked, stroking fingers down his temple and across his scar.  
  
"Nope." Keith scoffed, popping the P and grumbling as he rubbed his face into Shiro's belly. "Black was going to help tonight, but maybe you can do one better."  
  
Shiro reached to tug insistently at Keith's arm, prompting that he leave the pilot's seat and follow him into the cargo bay. Keith parted from the chair with a pat and felt Black rumble in approval in the back of his mind. He smiled wearily as Shiro helped him undo his armor (as best he could with one hand anyway), stripping him down and ushering he dress in his pajamas before he did the same and sat cross-legged before Keith on the mattress.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
Keith slumped with a grunt onto the mattress and pulled his pillow into his lap so he could hug it to his chest and rest his chin upon it. "I mean...yes and no. I just want to _sleep_ but I _can't_." he borderline whined, feeling as pathetic as he sounded, he was too tired to be anything but.  
  
Shiro nodded, "I'm listening." he said, and Keith rolled to lay on his back, staring at the ceiling and curling his fingers around Shiro's when he slipped his hand into his.  
  
"I don't know, that fight was...chilling. Kind of like..." he trailed off with a hitching breath and Shiro winced at the implication. Keith cleared his throat, "I feel like a kid who found out what he's afraid of and now he can't think about it or else he'll have nightmares. But it's like he left a mark on me, I can't _stop_ thinking about it." he murmured, "There was something about it that's just been haunting me. Maybe I'm just mourning for the Blades, maybe I'm upset my mom isn't here anymore...maybe he just really scared me."  
  
Shiro's thumb rubbed a circle on the back of his hand, his brows pinched in soft concern as he listened intently.  
  
"Why did he scare you?"  
  
Keith blinked and looked up at Shiro, pondering that question because he hadn't asked it of himself before. He hummed, "I think..." he began, and then he scoffed, "No-nevermind, that's _stupid_."  
  
"What's stupid?"  
  
Keith had trouble articulating it, and he floundered around the words he was looking for for a fair minute before he could answer. "I think he is what I _could_ be?" Keith said, and then he scoffed at himself, "See? It sounds stupid."  
  
Shiro looked baffled, "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean I think I'm like him, in a way." Keith continued, "I've always thought there was something different about me."  
  
"You're Galra?" Shiro offered with a low hum of a chuckle.  
  
Keith sighed in exasperation at him, "Not like _that_. I mean like...like Allura?"  
  
Shiro tilted his head, "What about Allura?"  
  
"Magic stuff."  
  
Shiro was silent, shuffling around as he seemed to mull it over in his head. "Why...what makes you think that?"  
  
Keith thought back to how many times he had felt something before it happened, the uncanny way his hand had healed from Macidus' burning spell once he had splashed some quintessence on it (he wasn't sure that had happened all on its own, he had felt so focused on it), and the way he had been able to sense where the druid was when he vanished, even his almost telepathic connection with Kosmo. It all coalesced into some big flashing arrow in his head.  
  
He voiced as much to Shiro, who acknowledged it all with a considering purse of his lips. "That's...kind of awesome, though. Why would it keep you from sleeping?"  
  
Keith scratched his head, "I think that's just one part of it. It's a combination of things, things I mentioned before. Missing my mom, Macidus scared me, insomnia, those coincidences... _being lonely_."  
  
Keith bit his lip upon saying it and glanced at Shiro, who was smiling sadly, "Do you want me to come back to your lion?"  
  
Keith sat up, adamant, "That's...that's not what I meant! Doesn't Pidge still need your company?"  
  
Shiro shrugged, "I could alternate day to day. Besides if I can help you _and_ her sleep..."  
  
" _But-_ "  
  
"You know, Keith, selflessness can be a fault if you don't rein it in sometimes." Shiro chided, and Keith faltered in his resolve, planting his chin on his knee and hugging them to his chest with a grumble.  
  
"Do you...want to stay every other night?" he murmured.  
  
"Well, yeah."  
  
Keith smiled in amusement, "Okay, then." and then he added in a huff of laughter, "We're so ridiculous."  
  
"We've been through enough I think we're allowed to be." Shiro grinned, and Keith yawned.  
  
"No more in-depth conversations about futility and all that. I'm so tired." Keith groused, playing grumpy but definitely not feeling it...well maybe a little, but that could be attributed to his exhaustion.  
  
"When did we mention futility?"  
  
Keith paused and thought about it before he chuckled, "Nevermind, something my mom and I used to do. See? I'm so tired I'm thinking too hard."  
  
"You always think too hard, baby." Shiro said as he lay down with a grunt.  
  
" _Baby_." Keith repeated in a whisper, testing the endearment on his tongue and finding it strange to say again after all this time. He bit his lip as a memory from years ago now surfaced. A warm day, lazy, rolling around laughing in bed with a _different_ person doing less than innocent things... His sudden frown wasn't lost on Shiro.  
  
"That's okay right? For me to call you?" Shiro asked.  
  
"S'fine." Keith murmured, and his chest squeezed with a dull ache as he pushed the memories to the back burner, rolling over to face Shiro and nuzzle into him. He would take his time, but he was telling Shiro as soon as he felt ready. As soon and not a moment after.  
  
Sometimes old books had to close.  
  
"Perfectly fine." Keith breathed as he closed his eyes.  
  
After all...

He opened a new one a long time ago.  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James is coming up next chapter, canon gave me SO much to work with (I had to ask myself "Wtf?" cause it felt like they had read my fanfics and read my mind in the process) and the words are just flying out of my fingers okie? 
> 
> (Seriously what the actual FUCK? What were those looks? Why was James being all come hither and why was Keith looking at him like fuckin THAT???? I need answers DW! I. NEED. ANSWERS!!)
> 
> Come find me on:  
> [Tumblr](http://crazyaniknowit.tumblr.com/)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Crazyaniknowit)  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're finally back on Earth, Keith is confronted with both apologizing to James and explaining what happened between them years ago to Shiro. 
> 
> It doesn't go well for one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever! I am so sorry but the dreaded season sapped my creative spirit for a while, I had to rely on old drafts and I was pretty miserable. But now...now it's time for vengeance. (◣_◢)  
> SEASON 8 DOES NOT EXIST.
> 
>  
> 
> **FUCK SEASON 8**
> 
>  
> 
> Okay, that said, as of now this series is likely gonna go on indefinitely cause I am getting fix-it ideas within this universe sooooo.....yeah. Be ready for the trip of feels to go on a little (a **lot** ) longer.
> 
> This is packed full of feels. We're back on earth and James is a man spurned and avoiding his feelings, Keith just wants things fixed, apologies accepted, people happy (as they can be in the middle of the war), and Shiro...Shiro is just kinda like "Woah." (in a good way, not in a surprised Pikachu way)

He never did get the chance to talk to Shiro about it.  
  
But his presence every other night helped Keith sleep, and his kisses - his _touches_ \- even more so. They grew more than well acquainted with one another most nights he was with him. Learning which buttons to press, never going too far, granted, there was something to be said about the lack of _supplies_...  
  
In any case, just about two months afterward they ran into that strange energy, and after a terrifying game  -unwittingly played over them by some space monster - they had devoured the expanse of space between them and Earth in what should have been well over a half a year's worth in time - reduced to mere seconds. Thanks to Voltron, that is.  
  
And then they were back on Earth.  
  
_God_. It had been so deeply ingrained in Keith that he might never see it again, and then he had believed it would take them over a year to get there. It was a strange feeling, seeing that cobalt orb, swirled with familiar continental shapes and clouds. For one, it was no longer what he knew to be his home - if asked he would say that Shiro was the only home he needed or _wanted_. And secondly...it was under occupation by the Galra, likely had been for years...he found himself wondering consistently - with a heavy weight of guilt in his heart - whether James had survived this long.  
  
Keith landed the shuttle, and after walking a ways they were ambushed, of _course_ they were. But they had it handled, what felt like a lifetime of experience fighting the Galra under their belts had taught them at least that much. Drones were no issue.  
  
And yet Keith was startled, to say the least.  
  
He hadn't expected rescue (they had it _under control)_ and he hadn't expected _that_ fucking voice. Of all the people in the world who could be there. But Keith supposed he should look on the bright side, hadn't he been contemplating less than an hour ago whether he had made it? It was James, no doubting it even with his helmet, and if Keith could tell who _he_ was... _he_ could likely tell who Keith was. And he looked right through him, barking orders. Keith couldn't decide if it hurt or not. Because he couldn't blame him, not in the slightest, for hating him.  
  
When they arrived at the Garrison Keith watched everyone reunite with their loved ones with a smile, it was really rather touching. Though it did make him miss Krolia, a clenching sensation in his heart familiar and yet new, one he hadn't applied to family yet. Knowing they were gone but that it was temporary. He'd felt it before in a different context, with Shiro.  
  
Keith did eventually notice that he felt _his_ gaze. Hairs raising on the nape of his neck, he turned to see James remove his helmet, offering him a look that he really couldn't decipher. It wasn't the hatred he expected that he actually saw in those eyes, granted James was probably _(definitely)_ angry with him. And yet the way he looked at him as he pushed off from the jeep and strode away...it sent mixed messages. Was that an invitation to follow? Did he want to talk, calm and rational like he always was back in the day? Or did he want to scream at him for leaving like he so justly deserved to? God, he wasn't sure. He watched James go, a subtle itch to follow him as he had done so many times before as a younger man. For _much_ different reasons.  
  
Keith turned to look back at Shiro, arms crossed and a dark, cavernous hole in his chest making itself known once more. He'd been through a lot in the past few years, with Shiro, with everybody. He wished Krolia was there yet again, someone to urge him to _go_. To follow James and seek closure. But he was _afraid_. Shiro looked back at him and something melted inside Keith at the soft smile he sent his way. He sagged and smiled back, probably looking pained and ridiculous in his meager attempts to appear casual. And then Iverson said something hushed to Shiro and his face fell. It fell _exponentially_ , and he was following him in a rush.  
  
Keith watched him go with a mild sense of concern. Glancing between the two paths to choose. Two men, both held his heart at some point in his life...and both held it still. One now far more strongly than the other, but both held it nonetheless. He scrubbed a hand over his face and turned on his heel to find James. He _needed_ to talk to him. He needed to be able to say he was sorry in person, well and _truly_ sorry, that he was an idiot and yet he made all the right decisions that would lead him to where he was today. A Paladin of Voltron. A leader. They were the right decisions to lead him to save Shiro, again and again and again and to be a pillar of support for him because heaven knows he fucking needed it. The right decisions that would lead him to become more than Shiro's friend, more than a brother, more than even a lover. Yes, they were the _right_ decisions, but they weren't the _best_ decisions, not the least harmful to someone who loved him.  
  
It was silly to be afraid of their confrontation, Keith decided. Because really...how bad could it be? Could it _really_ top weblums, fighting tooth and nail with the love of your life, Sincline, shutting the rift with the castle, and hallucinogenic space creatures that spent days driving you positively mad before they ate you? Yeah, okay...it could probably at _least_ top the weblum. If he was feeling humorous he might have laughed at the thought as he headed down the halls, a borderline frantic gaze looking around everywhere for familiar brown hair, darkened over the years. A face broader and body filled out, hell, he was actually taller than Keith and Keith was pretty sure he was older than James now. Or...maybe he _wasn't?_ God how many years _had_ it been for Earth? He wasn't certain. Five? Six?  
  
Keith came to a halt as he well and truly realized he hadn't been here in years, even longer if he counted the fact that the known universe was operating about three years ahead of him and his friends and he had spent two years in a time pocket so...a bit longer for him. The Garrison layout had been changed during that time. He didn't exactly know where he was or where James could have gone. He spun in place and bit his lip, looking for which hall he had come down.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
Keith stilled and cleared his throat, turning slow and hesitant to face him. " _Hey_."  
  
James didn't reply, he merely cocked a hip as he crossed his arms, "Can I help you?"  
  
Keith took a step forward, "I was wondering if we could talk?"  
  
James hummed, eyeing him calculatedly, "What about?"  
  
"I think you know." Keith murmured, crossing his own arms in a more demure, less guarded display than James. "I...need to apologize for... _things_ I did." he said, glancing up to find James working his jaw, grinding his teeth in a manner that he must have picked up from from the stress of the Galra attacks, he never used to do that.  
  
"Hmm." James' rather dismissive hum caught him off guard. He shuffled from side to side and then heaved a weary sigh, and Keith gulped nervously when he closed the distance between them and reached a hesitant hand up to...caress his cheek?  
  
"You've been busy." James said.  
  
" _Yeah_."  
  
A thumb traced over his scar as his eyes narrowed, and Keith tried not to focus on the fact that James had a good few inches on him now. He had to look up _just so_ to meet his gaze.    
  
"How did this happen?" James murmured offhandedly, and if Keith didn't know better he would assume James didn't even realize what he had said or what he was doing. Keith's gaze turned to the side, and at his silence James took a step back, suddenly scowling. "I've heard your _sorry's_ before, you know."  
  
Keith bit his lip again, shoulders sagging with shame. "I _do_ know." he murmured. "And...I know you probably can't trust apologies from me anymore. But all I can do is say - again - that I _am_ sorry. _Really_."  
  
James took a second step away and turned, arms crossed again. Keith could tell right away he was going on the defensive, shutting him out.  
  
" _Look_ , Keith." he began, and a pause, as if mulling over his choice of wording, "Forget it. It was six years ago now, and yeah you hurt me, you really fucking _hurt_ me."  
  
He ended on a murmur, the pain he had felt tangible in those last three words.  
  
Keith sagged and turned his gaze to the floor, sheepish and ashamed.  
  
"But right now we're at war, we don't have time for things like this."  
  
Keith blinked up at him and raised a brow, "If that's the case then shouldn't we deal with _'things like this'_ now? Before somebody dies and you lose your chance?" he asked with a frown.  
  
" _Just_..." James held up a hand, and Keith could see he was struggling to speak, "Save it. _Please_." he said as he turned on his heel, "I have enough to think about as it is."  
  
" _I_..." Keith began half-heartedly, not wanting to pester him but also wanting to set everything right before they parted ways. "James."  
  
"There are more important people than me that need talking to, go to your meeting." James called as he walked.  
  
"Meeting-what... _what_ meeting? I don't even know where it _is!"_ Keith exclaimed, and James just kept walking. _"James!"_ he scoffed and let his hands flop to his sides, spinning around in frustration before he decided on following down the same hall James had gone. He may have been going the same direction but James had vanished into thin air, and as he wandered around looking for directions he had to wonder offhandedly if the whole conversation was just a figment of his imagination.  
  
_Heh_. Maybe they were still floating in open space, being tortured by some space monster. Maybe.  
  
Keith was suddenly reminded of how fucking _tired_ he was. They spent so _long_ floating around and then they hadn't taken five seconds to rest until they had been rescued. (Rescue... _pfft!_ Keith would still sustain that they had it handled) Maybe that was why he couldn't tell right from left anymore, when did the Garrison become some fucking maze?  
  
"Keith!"  
  
Oh thank god. Thank _god!_  
  
He whirled around to find his troupe walking with a couple Garrison cadets by the looks of their uniforms, and he jogged to meet them gratefully. "I got lost." he explained when Pidge and Hunk offered him curious glances. And they both chuckled simultaneously.  
  
"We can see that." Hunk teased, and Keith smiled easily.  
  
"Where's Shiro?" he asked as he looked around, and then Pidge snickered and Lance handed her something that looked suspiciously like money with a begrudging scowl.  
  
"Talking to Iverson." Allura explained, looking around at the architecture in blatant curiosity. That was right, she had never been to Earth before. Not that the Garrison was all that interesting, before Sendak's attack Earth was much more intriguing outside. But from what Keith could garner the Garrison was the only safe place left, what with their improvised particle barrier.  
  
"About what?" Keith prodded.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Keith frowned and looked down at his feet as they were led to rooms and gently ordered to dress in the uniforms provided, and then to meet in some room or another that Keith was certain they would need an escort for. Pidge said as much and the girl that had led them smiled and nodded, saying she would wait.  
  
Keith entered the small dorm and felt a bit claustrophobic, funny how he used to fit into one of these with no problem. Granted he hadn't grown all that much, but things always seem smaller when you're older, don't they? More than the small space was the memories that came with the layout of the room, it wasn't his old dorm, definitely not, but each room was exactly the same. It made him sigh in a quiet despair over how...badly his talk with James had gone. He expected anger, some harsh words, but he hadn't expected him to just avoid the problem altogether and act like they could both ignore it. As if it didn't matter as much as Keith knew it did.  
  
There was a peace to be found in closure, and as long as James avoided the issue there would be no closure. Something both of them would seem to desperately need, he wagered as he stripped down and swapped his armor for his uniform.  
  
Ugh. Keith hated it just as much as he remembered, bright orange, still unsavory, and it could be attributed to the fact that it wasn't tailored to fit him but it was too tight in some places and too loose in others. He tugged at the collar and huffed in annoyance at the feeling. The Paladin suits were so comfortable it was a little otherworldly...heh, _literally_. Earth clothes had become a little foreign to him over the past couple years. Scratchy and uncomfortable.  
  
He exited his room and waited for his fellow Paladins to finish, and then they were following the cadet down the halls. Allura and Coran both complained about the uniform to one another in a whisper (claiming it was ill-equipped for combat and maximum maneuverability) and the rest of the troupe chuckled. Keith held back, scanning the occasional group they passed for Shiro. And his mood plummeted when he didn't find him all the way up to the door of the meeting room.  
  
He waited outside, foot thumping and worry increasing until he had a familiar, big hand on his shoulder and he turned with a smile. Then he blinked in surprise at seeing Shiro in that uniform again. It had been so long he almost forgot. Yup, the officer's uniform was still really fucking ugly, but Shiro made it look so... _good_. Was it that _tight_ last time?  
  
Professional thoughts, Keith. At least for now.    
  
" _Hey_." he murmured, looking up to see that Shiro looked a little haggard, eyes somewhat sad.  
  
"Hey." Shiro said, and Keith reached a hand up to cup his jaw.  
  
"You okay?" he prodded carefully, and Shiro's forced smile fell.  
  
"No, but...I'll talk about it _later?_ After we're done here." Shiro gestured to the meeting room and Keith nodded, though before he could turn to leave Shiro's grip tightened on his shoulder. He looked up in expectation and Shiro leaned down to plant a lingering, chaste kiss on his lips, pulling away with a slight smile and murmuring: "That helps a little." as he turned into the room.  
  
Keith chuckled softly, breathless, and started to follow Shiro. Though he did a double take when he met familiar, purple eyes staring widely at him from down the hall. Shit.  
  
_Shit!_  
  
Keith couldn't emote in response to save his life, he just stared back blankly and watched as a slow scowl took over James' face, and then in a strange bout of fear, a quickening of his heart, Keith turned on his heel and hurried inside after Shiro. Sitting himself down beside him and determinedly keeping his gaze from meeting James'. Because of course he stood straight across from him, glaring daggers. If Keith could cover his face he would, but he opted instead for a hand below the table rested on Shiro's knee for a selfish bit of comfort. He hoped it was subtle enough that no one _(read: James)_ would notice.  
  
They gave their input on how to fight the Galra (their much more _informed_ input if Keith dared think as much), but the conversation was quickly turning into a debate rather than a meeting. Moralities and strategies were being argued over and Keith was starting to get the feeling that the brass was operating on outdated protocols when James made his presence known again.  
  
" _Hey!_ Do Paladins not understand the chain of command?!"  
  
Keith winced at the outburst and offered a wary glance up at James when it happened, watching as he was mildly chastised and stepped meekly back into place. The outburst was supposedly directed at Hunk, but all the while James' gaze was on Keith, no one else. Keith stared tentatively back, that was definitely not like James. While stifled, Keith could see he was breathing heavily, emotional and upset...and Keith could understand why.  
  
One more fuckup to add to the pile, Keith supposed. He heaved a sigh and turned his attention to the conversation once more, trying his best to ignore the prickling awareness of fierce eyes boring into him.  
  
It was after the meeting and subsequent meetings had adjourned and he was left to fend for himself for the evening. Everyone had somewhere to be except for him, it seemed. So he took to perusing the Garrison, making a little map in his head as he walked around.  
  
The Garrison had been expanded upon as a result of the war to house refugees and personnel that had escaped from other cities. It was the only safe hub on Earth at the moment. It must have been half an hour before he circled back, and on his way to their quarters he stuttered to a halt when he spotted Hunk, disgruntled and annoyed.  
  
A few heartfelt words, assurances, and a hug that he was going to feel in the morning had him accompanying Hunk to find his family.  
  
Though sneaking out turned out to be an issue. He supposed he hadn't changed all that much if James still found him to be _this_ predictable. Or maybe James had followed him, he wasn't sure. Needless to say Keith was both pleasantly surprised to see him with little to no malice behind his words or actions (he was _playful_ even) and absolutely shocked when James looked directly at him and said, almost pointedly:  
  
"My problem is I don't wanna see our only hope for saving Earth get hurt."  
  
Keith's brows furrowed and his lips parted in confusion, because James had seemed so...so _angry_ earlier. And yet now here he was, smirking that one particular smirk of his that reminded Keith of when he was sixteen, young and frustrated and dragging that _same_ _boy_ now before him into a broom closet to begin a relationship that would build them up and tear them apart.  
  
The memory was both lovely and painful either way he sliced it.  
  
Keith followed along with Hunk and James and Veronica, not exactly _begrudged_...more nervous. And the fact that Veronica and Hunk automatically piled into the back seats made Keith sigh, sheepish as he climbed in beside James.  
  
The ride was quiet beside some idle chatter between Hunk and Veronica. What with her being Lance's sister and all, Keith supposed it was natural that Hunk would start to bond well with her right off the bat. However, between him and James it was almost silent. A murmur of a warning to be careful here and there from Keith and an explanation from James about where they were headed and how long it would take to get there. Not long, about ten minutes.  
  
Keith stepped out when they came to a stop and they assembled to discuss where Veronica was going. James pulled out his rifle and Keith knelt beside him to watch her progress without the aid of binoculars, (he let Hunk have them). His vision was a little better than most in the dark after all.  
  
He couldn't help but glance up at James every so often, uncertain of his thought process. Just earlier today he had been dismissive, then obviously angry, and now he behaved as if they were simple soldiers, maybe even a little _friendly_. As if their past hadn't even happened. That wasn't to say he acknowledged Keith beyond an occasional look and a small frown.  
  
He supposed what James had said earlier was something he was going to hold true to. In war there was just no time to waste on mending old wounds.  
  
Keith didn't necessarily agree, he found he himself had healed some of his worst wounds because of this war. Though that wasn't to say the war was _necessary_ for it, but still conductive to it.  
  
It was later, after they had greeted the rebels and located Hunk's family, determining that they would not be able to rescue them alone, that Keith took James aside. Or rather cornered him while they prepared to leave.  
  
"James?"  
  
The man stiffened and glanced over his shoulder, " _What_ is it, Keith?"  
  
And just like that, his frigid tone - closed off body language - was back.  
  
Keith heaved a sigh and cast his gaze to the ground, "I just...you seemed upset earlier today and I...I don't like that you had to learn about Shiro and me that way. I wanted to tell you myself." he said, voice quiet and thick with emotion... _regret_.  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
  
Keith crossed his arms, shaking his head though he didn't lift his gaze, "I think it _does_ matter to you...a lot more than you admit."  
  
" _Well_...you're wrong." James said, no bite in his tone but Keith flinched anyway. "I don't know why you keep pushing the issue." he continued, "I guess you've got this idea that I'm still stuck on you, but I moved on years ago, Keith. Maybe you should be asking _yourself_ what you're after if you _still_ haven't let it go."  
  
Keith looked up then, shocked and - quite frankly - _hurt_. "That's not...I'm not trying to _rekindle_ anything." he murmured.  
  
"Then _why_ do you keep bringing it up?" James asked, and Keith felt a wave of sympathy well up in his chest at the way James' breath had gone ragged. His emotions bled through no matter how hard he tried to hide them, and it hurt even more for Keith that he could see through him so well. He could _see_ how much this was hurting him despite his denials.  
  
"Because neither of us can heal as long as we keep this up."  
  
"There's _nothing_ to keep up! There's nothing to heal _from!"_ James exclaimed, words bursting forth in a cascade that Keith hadn't been prepared for, and he took a surprised step back as James advanced in kind. "How many times do I have to _say it_ before you understand?! I _don't_ care about it! I'm _over_ it! Whatever! It's _done_... _we're_ done. So stop. Bringing. It. _Up_."  
  
Keith's eyes widened and he had to blink a couple times to chase away the warning sting he felt in them. James even seemed a little surprised at himself, blinking as he stared at Keith before he sighed and brushed past him to head to the jeep.  
  
Keith stared at the dirt, his murmur so quiet he almost wondered if James would hear it.  
  
"Did you keep it?"  
  
He hugged himself as James' footsteps stopped, and Keith didn't turn around but he heard the twist of James' boot against gravel as _he_ did. Keith hunched his shoulders and glanced to the side, not quite enough to see James in his periphery.  
  
"The picture?" Keith prodded.  
  
As if he needed clarification.  
  
James was silent for a long time, long enough that Veronica started calling for them to leave, and then James gave another sigh.  
  
"No. I _didn't"_  
  
Keith flinched and his breath hitched as he listened to him leave. Why did _that_ hurt worse than everything else? He continued to stare down at his feet as he ran through today's ricochet of emotion. James was an enigma. A painful, confusing enigma that was lashing out at Keith every time he tried to make amends. And it hurt.  
  
It hurt _so much._  
  
And yet despite that, Keith had no one to blame but himself.  
  
Keith gasped wetly on his next breath and wiped his eyes, planting his hands on his hips as he stared up at the moon and heaved a sigh.  
  
_Fuck_.  
  
He wiped at his eyes once more and then he bit back the hitching sob.  
  
Stop crying.  
  
_Stop_.  
  
He had to spend an extra minute composing himself to turn around and make his way to the jeep. And even then he kept his eyes on his reflection in the window as they began the journey, thankful for his long bangs to hide his face. His eyes were red-rimmed, and if he stared too long they started to brim with tears, sparkling in the moonlight. He took to blinking rapidly and trying to breathe steadily through his tight throat, stifled and utterly upset.  
  
He sniffled once and wiped at his cheek with the hand he rested his chin upon, about halfway back to the Garrison. And then he went stiff in wait of reaction, but no one pointed it out. Probably hadn't noticed it.  
  
A small part of him wished James _had_.  
  
Upon arriving he didn't wait for Hunk. The jeep barely rolled to a stop and he was pushing the door open and walking away with his arms crossed and his shoulders hunched.  
  
He really didn't like to cry.  
  
But he was anyway. He was just glad there seemed to be no one in the Garrison hallways at the time to see him wiping stubborn tear tracks and taking stifled, gasping breaths on his way to his room. Once inside he slumped to the floor and rested his head against the door, letting everything flow and squeezing his eyes shut while he hiccuped and shuddered through it.  
  
It took a while for him to calm down entirely, and by then he was almost exhausted. He stared down at his fingers, playing idle with the edges of the kneecap armor on his legs.  
  
It was sad.  
  
That was _obvious_ , but that much was all he could surmise from tonight. It was _sad_ that this had happened. It was sad that James was _hurt_. It was sad that _Keith_ was hurting. It was sad that Keith wouldn't take the days they spent together back to save them the pain even if he could. How selfish _was_ that?  
  
He wiped at drying, crusty tracks on his cheeks and heaved a shaky sigh. That one sigh you always give when you're done, when you've let it all out and you generally feel better.  
  
Keith _didn't_ feel better, he wouldn't for a while, but at least for now he could put on a mask of indifference. Play along with what James wanted, because at this point...  
  
That was all he _could_ do.  
  
He jolted when someone knocked at his door, and at Shiro's voice, giving a small, wary, _"Keith?"_ he jumped to his feet silently, tip-toeing into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face and dry it before he answered.  
  
He painted a small smile upon his lips and went to open the door, and Shiro gave a similar smile, one that held more beneath and begged for someone to vent to. Keith was primed and ready to be that someone, but Shiro caught him off guard.  
  
"They have dinner ready." he said, brows twisting almost imperceptibly as he reached his hand up to stroke his thumb over Keith's scar. "Are you okay? You look-"  
  
"I just washed my face." Keith interrupted, inwardly cringing at his abruptness.  
  
Shiro blinked, and it was obvious he knew there was an underlying cause for Keith's eyes to be red-rimmed and his nose pink from rubbing it dry so much.  
  
"I-I'm glad there's food. I wonder how good it'll taste after so long eating food goo." Keith said as another distraction, a desperate one.  
  
Shiro smiled again, "And Hunk's concoctions."  
  
"Those were delicious, though." Keith said in a soft hum of a chuckle as he took Shiro's arm and began walking them down the hall.  
  
"Yeah, but all those miscellaneous ingredients...knowing them always made me feel a bit sick."  
  
Keith leaned into him, taking comfort in his presence on the way. Listening to him talk and feeling his voice rumble through his body.  
  
It was soothing.

* * *

  
Dinner in the mess hall was quiet and Keith tried not to be too solemn. Though that was an uphill battle. Shiro had already placed his hand on his thigh in concern twice, and Keith had given him a half-hearted smile in return both times.  
  
"I'm okay." he mouthed, though Shiro still didn't seem to believe him.  
  
Shiro was a quiet sort of solemn himself, gaze growing distant every so often and Keith had to rub a hand on the small of his back every now and again to regain his attention as it drifted.  
  
It seemed like both of them had some things to talk about tonight.  
  
After dinner and some promises to debrief what Keith and Hunk had discovered in the morning, they were heading back to their rooms. It was then that Keith ended up wishing he could just shrivel up and die.  
  
"Yo, Keith."  
  
Keith looked over his shoulder lazily, "What?"  
  
Lance hummed thoughtfully, "Earlier... _Mr. Blow-up-at-Hunk Guy_...wasn't he your boyfriend?" he asked in painfully genuine obliviousness.  
  
Keith skid to a halt and glanced up at Shiro when he felt him tense up beside him, hand squeezing his briefly but his gaze carefully furrowed ahead as he seemed to process that information.  
  
Keith whipped his head around to give Lance a withering death stare. He had forgotten that Lance and Hunk had entered the Garrison in the same year as he had, and that Lance had had this weird rivalry idea - and in kind a sort of backwards obsession with Keith - _of course_ they would have remembered Griffin. Keith definitely wasn't short on the PDA after a time. But he supposed expecting discretion from the current Red Paladin was a bit foolish on his part. Lance at least had the decency to look between Keith and Shiro (who was still as a statue) and appear positively chastised, embarrassed even. _"Oh."_ he breathed.  
  
"Nice _tact_ , Lance." Pidge drawled.  
  
Lance cringed and pointed to his room, "Just gonna...escape from your wrath." he murmured to Keith as he slid by and scurried away.  
  
Allura offered Keith an apologetic look as she hurried to follow him, likely to protect him from Keith if anything. Not that Keith had any intention of following after Lance and kicking his ass - like he rather wanted to - but for heaven's _sake_ , he had meant to tell Shiro on his own terms!  
  
Keith tightened his grip on Shiro's hand, clearing his throat, _"Shiro?"_  
  
"Y-yeah?" Shiro blinked and looked at him, visibly gulping.  
  
"Want to come inside and talk?" Keith gestured to his room.  
  
" _Talk_." Shiro nodded, looking a bit flustered as he took the invitation.  
  
" _Shiro_." Keith tittered nervously as he followed him. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm _fine_ , really." Shiro assured, hand raised as he moved to sit on the bed, "Old boyfriends are popping up everywhere today, aren't they?"  
  
Keith blinked and stared at him, "Old boyfriends...?" he repeated, a strange chill going down his spine as he contemplated that statement, "You saw _Adam?"_  
  
Shiro scratched at his head and turned his glassy gaze to the floor, "I saw...uh...his _plaque_ ," he rasped, smiling despite the break in his voice, "O-on the memorial."  
  
"Oh. Oh... _Shiro_." Keith stepped closer and slid down to his knees before him, reaching up to cup his face...to wipe his thumbs under his eyes.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Shiro, you're _not_."  
  
"I should be over it."  
  
" _Shiro_ , weren't you the one telling me you had a ring all those years ago? You thought you were going to _marry_ him at some point. I don't think you just... _get over_ that _._ "  
  
Shiro shook his head and took a deep breath, shuddering subtly. "It doesn't bother you that I still...kind of love him?"  
  
" _No_ , it doesn't." Keith assured without hesitation, and he meant it. Hell, he was hoping the same of Shiro, there was no need to be hypocritical over _this_ of all things.

To be honest, Keith had _expected_ death of old friends. Granted saying Adam had been a friend to him was a stretch (more a commanding officer), but despite their tense relationship back in the day, he had never wished harm upon Adam. He didn't _hate_ him, he was often jealous, but he couldn't hate him. Shiro _loved_ him after all.  
  
"I'm no expert, but I don't think we ever _stop_ loving the people in our past." Keith continued, the sentiment reminding him of James, "Unless they're just a downright terrible person, _heh_." he added in a chuckle that Shiro shared half-heartedly, his lower lip wobbling and his eyes growing more glassy. Keith sobered at that, heaving a sigh, "You can cry if you need to." he prodded, voice low and hand moving to rub a soothing circle on Shiro's back. And cry Shiro did, almost as if he were waiting for permission. It was not a spectacle of tears and sobbing like Keith knew he himself would do. It was quiet quaking of shoulders and a soft sniffle every now and then, forehead pressed to Keith's neck and a warm, wet breath against his skin.  
  
It was slow to begin with, but it slowed further soon enough. Though he didn't pull away, Shiro reached his arm around Keith to pull him impossibly closer, mumbling a thanks against his collarbone and pressing a kiss there. The anxiety he felt over Shiro knowing about James diminished a bit at that.  
  
"Keith?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
Shiro did pull back a little ways to fix him with a sheepish look, "What...what _was_ it about him that you didn't want to tell me?" he asked.  
  
... _and_ it was back full-force.  
  
"James Griffin." Keith clarified, and Shiro sat back, leaning against his hand and waiting patiently. Keith inhaled deeply, his palms feeling cold and clammy in his lap as he moved to sit beside Shiro. "You probably remember when I hit him, first week here."  
  
"That was _him?"_ Shiro asked, eyes wide and a slight smile pulling at his features. "How do you go from _that_ to boyfriends?" he practically chuckled.  
  
Keith winced and Shiro's smile fell, "Very painfully." he murmured.  
  
_"Oh?"_ Shiro whispered.  
  
"Shiro...I'm _not_ proud of this." Keith assured him, "But you need to know, and honestly I'm craving forgiveness, as much as I dread it."  
  
Shiro looked mildly worried now.  
  
"James was a...fuckbuddy for a while." he said quietly, and Shiro blinked but didn't seem necessarily fazed. "And I would... _use_ him...while I-" Keith took a deep breath, "-while I thought of _you_." he glanced up at Shiro at his own sharp intake of breath, "And...James knew it."  
  
Shiro _definitely_ looked surprised at that, and he grimaced before he turned to look away, _"Oh."_  
  
"Yeah." Keith murmured, "That's not even the half of it." he scoffed, "I mean it _is_ but I didn't tell the whole story and it seems so much worse knowing every detail." he winced at himself for fumbling over his explanation and covered his face.  
  
Shiro idly rubbed his fingers into his own leg, looking a little uncomfortable, " _Ahh_...how long did you do that?"  
  
"Fuckbuddies?" Keith asked, and Shiro nodded, "A while, like six months. Then I think that's when I started to fall in love with him? That was when I got upset, you remember, and when I talked to him we told each other we needed to stop." he explained.  
  
Shiro hummed, looking somewhat pained as he thought back, "You were _sixteen_ when you did this?"  
  
"Ah...for some of it." Keith nodded.  
  
Shiro grimaced again and Keith hugged himself, "I know it's...it was _bad_." he blushed with shame and scratched at the back of his head, "Anyway, then we were friends for a while. You went to Kerberos, and a couple months after that we got back together. For real, as boyfriends."  
  
Shiro seemed confused at that, "So what changed?"  
  
Keith hugged himself and drew his knees up to his chest, "You... _disappeared_."  
  
Shiro flinched. _"Oh."_  
  
"And I tried to keep it together but in the end I was thinking about how nothing they told us about the mission added up. I kind of just...spiraled. And _James_ -" Keith's voice broke and he cleared his throat, "James was so _good_. He was there for me even when I was never there for him like I should have been. He was _so good_ Shiro and _I_...I was _terrible_." his breath hitched and he smiled ruefully, "I got myself kicked out, and I should have kept contact with him but I just...I _ghosted_."  
  
Shiro wiped his fingers at Keith's cheek and he blinked in surprise, he had only distantly known he was crying. Keith sniffed softly and chuckled, "Really shitty, I know." he rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes, " _Ugh_." he sighed.  
  
"It's okay, Keith."  
  
"It's _not_." Keith sniffled again and laughed without mirth, "It's _really_ not. I'm a piece of shit."  
  
"You're _not_ a piece of shit." Shiro murmured.  
  
"I feel like it."  
  
"You were a _teenager_."  
  
Keith raised a brow and looked at him, "That's not really an excuse. I knew what I was doing."  
  
Shiro seemed to run out of reassuring things to say, and Keith watched as he settled upon flopping back on the bed. He heaved a sigh and pat his own chest in invitation, "Cuddle." he said, and when Keith hesitated - unsure - he added: _"Please?"_  
  
Keith relented and moved to rest against him.  
  
"My turn, you can cry if you need to." Shiro said with a smile.  
  
Keith chuckled even as he buried his face in Shiro's chest and let his emotions start to flow once again. He had a headache from crying so much today. Shiro stroked his hand up and down his back while Keith muffled his whimpers and hiccups into his uniform.  
  
"You're not terrible either, baby." Shiro murmured, and Keith laughed ever-so-softly through his tears, nuzzling into Shiro's collar while his fingers traced the lines of his uniform...  
  
Oh fuck! His uniform! Keith yanked himself back and wiped at his eyes, "Your uniform, I shouldn't...I'll get snot all over it." he gestured to his own face as he wiped at his eyes, and Shiro just smiled up at him as he started to undo the fastenings and buttons on his uniform. Keith helped him when he struggled, and he laughed even as he wiped at his own cheek again. "Did you have to put this on all by _yourself?"_ he asked in a wavering voice as he shoved the ugly green jacket down Shiro's arm.  
  
"Yeah, it was annoying. I was kind of hoping you would show up and rescue me again." he said with a wry smile, and Keith sniffed as he leaned down to kiss him. Though he hesitated just as their noses brushed, confusion and a need for clarification jolting down his spine.  
  
"Are you mad?"  
  
Shiro tilted his head, questioning.  
  
"About what I did. _Using_ James as a substitute for you."  
  
Shiro sighed, making a show of thinking it over, tongue wetting his lip nervously. And then he chuckled, "Kiss me and maybe I'll forgive you." he said, and Keith scoffed.  
  
"Shiro, _please_. It was a dick move, involving you without involving you, especially like that." Keith said, "Not to mention I think I made James hate you."    
  
Shiro blinked up at him before he heaved another sigh, "Keith...no, I'm not mad. I...I mean, I don't _think_ I am. _Unnerved?_ Yeah." he quieted for a moment at the way Keith's face twisted, " _Keith_ ," he murmured, soft and stroking the backs of his knuckles over Keith's cheek, "It was a long time ago, circumstances have changed... _we've_ changed. We all do stupid things. And honestly?" he hummed an almost-laugh as he smiled, "As for James...your opinion is all that matters to me...I forgive you."  
  
Keith stared at him a moment and then hung his head, breath shuddering and shaky with his relief. _"Really?"_ he had to ask. Had to be _sure_.  
  
" _Yeah_." Shiro smiled, thumb tracing over Keith's scar with a tenderness that made Keith want to start crying all over again, "I love you baby."  
  
Keith failed to bite back a sob, and after he took a second to recover he kissed him languidly, a slide of tongue and a soft, breathy moan as he pulled away.  
  
"If I forgive you again...will you _kiss_ _me_ like that again?" Shiro teased in a breathless rasp.  
  
" _Shiro_."  
  
"Seriously. Kiss me again."  
  
Keith scoffed and threw a leg over Shiro's waist, "You're ridiculous."  
  
"I thought we agreed we're allowed to be?"  
  
"If I kiss you again we're not stopping."  
  
Silence.  
  
Shiro stared up at him expectantly.  
  
"Shiro."  
  
"Do I _look_ like I mind?"  
  
Keith smirked, "No." he leaned forward till their breaths mingled and Shiro was arching up to meet him, "You sure as _hell_ don't."  
  
Shiro let out a soft noise as Keith captured his lips, bodies sliding together languid yet heated. Desire and need evident in the way Shiro clutched onto him, the way Keith moaned and bit at Shiro's lip.  
  
" _Keith_..."  
  
Keith groaned and rocked his hips with intent.  
  
"Keith."  
  
"Mm?"  
  
Shiro made him gasp a startled laugh when he licked at Keith's lips. "I want...I _want_ to..."  
  
Keith pulled back, arms braced on either side of his head, and smiled down at Shiro's blush. His actions were bold but his words were not, it would seem.  
  
" _What_ do you want, Shiro?"  
  
Shiro gulped and smiled sheepishly back, embarrassed, "Can I fuck you?" he murmured, and Keith shuddered at the rush of desire down his spine. His body screamed _Yes! Yes! Yes!_ and he was all too inclined to give in to this request.  
  
" _Yeah_." Keith breathed.  
  
Shiro smiled, hand grasping his hip with what seemed like intent to try and flip them, but he just ended up flopping back to the mattress. They stared at one another for a moment before they both burst into laughter.  
  
"I need to do something about this _arm_." Shiro panted, brows furrowed as he grew a bit pensive.  
  
"It might be easier if I fuck _you_." Keith smirked, and Shiro only smiled briefly before his face fell into something more serious.  
  
"Maybe next time." Shiro murmured, husky as he gripped onto Keith's body and his eyes shadowed with need. "I want _you_ this time. I want to...want to feel like you're _mine_."  
  
Keith stilled, bemused and surprised, "I _am_ yours." he said.  
  
Shiro's thumb rubbed more insistently at his hip, this funny, almost petulant look on his face.  
  
It hit Keith like a bolt of lightning and it made his heart do what felt like a backflip.  
  
" _Shiro_..." he whispered, leaning forward just enough that their lips could brush but didn't. "Are you... _jealous?"_  
  
The hand on his hip tightened and Keith exhaled a shaky breath as he smiled. "There's nothing to be jealous over." he continued, and Shiro bit at Keith's lower lip, pulling gently and rolling his hips up against Keith where he was hard and waiting.  
  
"I know." Shiro said, panting, "I knew you'd been with other men but...it makes me..." he trailed off in a sigh, unable to explain.  
  
"I'm not going to lie," Keith smirked once more, still rocking down where Shiro was pressed up against him, "I'm flattered...a little turned on." he added, sitting back to bear down on Shiro more effectively, "I didn't think _you_ of all people would be possessive."  
  
Shiro turned red and scoffed a smile.  
  
" _Babe_..." Keith stroked his fingers down Shiro's jaw, up to brush them over his lips, breath hitching when Shiro nipped at them and sucked one digit between his lips. "I love you... I want you inside me." Keith whispered, hoarse with arousal. Shiro released his fingers and Keith bent to capture his lips as they parted in a groan, devouring his noises and answering with a low moan of his own.  
  
"I need to get some lube." he murmured as he pulled away, ignoring Shiro's needy whine and the way he reached for him with a smile. Keith chuckled softly while he stood up and moved to check the bedside drawer, scowling when he found nothing. "One second, Shiro." he said as he moved to the little bathroom. He rummaged around until he found some Vaseline and he stared at it for a grand total of ten seconds before he shrugged and strode back to the bed. He shucked his pants and uniform on the way with just about zero ounces of shame and Shiro went a little red as his gaze flitted up and down Keith's body upon his approach. "Here we go," Keith smiled down at Shiro as he moved to straddle him once more, "Open me up?" he asked, opening the tub of Vaseline.  
  
" _Yeah_. Okay." Shiro nodded as Keith bent over to plant a kiss to his lips, deepening it until Shiro's hand was pawing at his thigh, kneading and sliding up to cup his ass.  
  
"Gonna ride you." Keith added as he scooped up some of the Vaseline and reached back to slip it onto Shiro's fingers (Shiro bit his lip, though he failed to hold back a moan). Keith then braced his hands on either side of Shiro's head, feeling him explore and his breath hitching. He bit his lip when calloused fingertips circled him, pressing lightly. Not like he hadn't done this to Keith before, but they never had even a _makeshift_ lube aside from spit, and it had officially been years since Keith had done this to himself.  
  
Shiro's finger slowly breached him and Keith rocked back with a low moan. Shiro was watching him intently, sunk in to the first knuckle and moving his hand lazily.  
  
"You're good, another." Keith murmured, a sharp intake of breath when Shiro obeyed his request. Oh... _that_ was good. Keith sat back with his lips parted for his heavy breath, sighing a low moan. Shiro started scissoring and he jerked his body into the motions, sliding his hands beneath Shiro's undershirt and fondling his chest just to give himself something to do.  
  
A third finger breached him just as he was getting impatient, and he whimpered, lips parted.  
  
" _Wow_." Shiro breathed.  
  
Keith grinned breathlessly down at him, smile broken occasionally by a pleasured twist of his brow and a moan. "You know...ah...this is going a lot better than I... _thought_...thought it was gonna." he panted.  
  
Shiro laughed hoarsely and teased a fourth finger at his rim, Keith gasped as it entered and retreated, casting a frustrated glance down at him. "Yeah me too." Shiro said, "You really overplayed your shame, if you didn't notice. It wasn't that bad....wasn't _good_ either but...heh, you made me suspect you killed someone or something." he added with a smirk.  
  
Keith huffed, tamping down the way his heart clenched with emotion at the reminder of what he'd done. He shook his head and unbuckled Shiro's belt, shucking his pants out of the way as fast as he could. He took a moment to curl a fist (that seemed rather small in comparison) around Shiro's cock, spreading a glob of lube up and down until it was nice and slick. "What makes you think that I haven't?" he asked and Shiro's eyes widened in an incredulous, breathy laugh.  
  
" _Keith_."  
  
Keith smiled as he scooted up and batted Shiro's hand away from his ass so he could line himself up.  
  
"Uh Keith you might not be re- _aah-mmn_." Shiro's jaw dropped in a moan as Keith sank right down on him, heaving a contented sigh. There was definitely a fair burn from the stretch, an ache that made his descent stutter, punched the breath out of him. He'd never taken someone as big as Shiro, but it was _good_. He forgot how much he missed this, the delectable fullness and the way he could barely think of anything else but riding his lover until he _cried_.  
  
" _O-okay._ Guess you're good. Fuck." Shiro had screwed his eyes shut, panting heavily and gripping Keith's hip like a vice.  
  
" _Very_ good." Keith murmured, rolling his pelvis to prove his point, and Shiro blinked his eyes open to watch him, startled and obviously pleasured. Keith's breath hitched and he braced both hands on Shiro's tense stomach as he began a tentative rhythm. One that could barely last a full minute. Oh _fuck_. Keith gasped and his arms quivered as he stilled to ground himself. The hand on his hip stroked a circle with the thumb and Keith peeled his eyes open to look at Shiro. Keith smiled breathily, lips parting and brows knit together in a mix of pleasure and overwhelming as he gave another undulation of his hips.  
  
" _Sure_ you're okay?" Shiro ground out, voice hoarse and jaw tense as his own hips twitched upward.  
  
"Yeah...you're just... _big_." Keith panted, and Shiro flushed red, choking on his breath as he turned his head in embarrassment. " _S'alot_... _mmn_." Keith closed his eyes again and a wrecked moan was ripped from his throat when he tried again. And _again._  It was hard to keep his rhythm. God it was _that_ good. Keith gasped and grabbed at Shiro's hand where it held onto his thigh, a whimper given along with each quivering roll of his hips.  
  
Shiro's ragged breath begged he open his eyes, and Keith gave him another smile, practically pained with how overwhelmed he felt. This was actually happening. Keith faltered as the thought set in. This was _happening_. Shiro _loved_ him, he loved Shiro, Shiro was _inside_ him and he knew everything and he accepted it all, he accepted _Keith_ and... _fuck_.  
  
"Hey... _hey_." Shiro rasped, stomach clenching and shaking as he sat himself up, and Keith inhaled a sharp, shuddering breath as Shiro wiped his thumb under his cheek. He grasped onto Shiro's hand with both of his own and pressed a wet kiss to the palm, smiling even through his tears.  
  
"I'm okay." Keith murmured.  
  
"Are you sure, baby?" Shiro asked, worry evident in his expression, hand pulling gently away and burying itself in Keith's hair. His blunt nails scratched soothingly at Keith's scalp, eliciting chills down his spine.  
  
Keith shivered and nodded, a low moan accompanying his words as he rocked his body, "Yeah. I'm sure." he gasped as he looked up into Shiro's eyes. "I love you."  
  
Shiro's smile was soft, and Keith pressed a kiss to his lips, clinging to him like a lifeline while his thighs burned with effort. "Love you too." Shiro breathed, and Keith hiccuped over his own breath as he increased his pace.  
  
" _Shiro_." he gasped. Shiro's lips were on his collarbone, his shoulder, trailing up his neck with assuring murmurs of sweet nothings and Keith was positively losing it. Both hands buried in starlight white hair, body boneless, like putty in Shiro's hand save for the consistent rocking of his hips. "Shiro..."  
  
" _Takashi_."  
  
Keith faltered again and Shiro used his one hand to grip onto his ass, steadying him and rocking him harder, making Keith cry out hoarsely. "W-what?" Keith whispered in sharp contrast to the load moans that accompanied almost every breath.  
  
"Call me Takashi." Shiro rasped, voice watery with emotion, "Please."  
  
Keith shuddered and stilled himself, jaw agape as he struggled to hold off on his suddenly impending orgasm. "Stop." he managed, tapping at Shiro's hand, and he blinked in confusion as he tore his hand away in a mild panic.  
  
"Sorry! Was that-"  
  
"Don't wanna... _come_ yet." Keith panted, interrupting before Shiro got any negative thoughts. That healthy flush of red on Shiro's cheeks deepened again and he heaved a breathy laugh.  
  
" _Oh_."  
  
"Just give me a second..." Keith gulped and nuzzled his head against Shiro's jaw, " _Takashi_."  
  
Shiro shuddered and trailed his fingers up the dip of his spine, kneading as he pressed open-mouthed kisses to his neck. "You're so beautiful." he murmured after a fair minute, "I love you. I'm so glad you're _mine_."  
  
Keith whimpered as his hips jerked forward instinctively.  
  
"Shiro... _a-ah!"_ Keith lifted himself and dropped back down sharply, back arching and if it weren't for Shiro's steady hand on his spine he might have lost his balance.  
  
Shiro nuzzled at his cheek and pressed without words for a kiss, one Keith awarded without hesitation, moaning into his mouth and panting more than anything as Shiro worked their lips together. Keith grew a little desperate, clenching down around Shiro's cock even as he rode it, and the low moans, breathy whines he received spurred him on until he was almost a sobbing mess atop him.  
  
_I love you. I love you. I love you._  
  
He was murmuring it against Shiro's lips, his skin, like a mantra, like it was all that mattered in the world. Sometimes it truly was. Sometimes that was all Keith could think about, how much he loved this man. How if it wasn't for the wonderful man kissing a wet trail down his neck at that very moment...Keith wouldn't be here, having come so far, and how if it weren't for that, Shiro wouldn't be here either. They had always depended on one another, from the very beginning, as if fate had woven their lives together like a braid, like the strongest rope, never to be cut no matter how many knives tried. And they _had_ tried.  
  
" _Takashi_." Keith said it with almost no meaning, just for the sake of saying it as he approached his threshold, movements desperate and his hands clawing for purchase in the contours of Shiro's back. "Takashi... _I_ -" Keith cut himself off with a broken, keening cry that echoed in the small room. He found himself distantly wondering if the walls were still as thick as they used to be. Though more insistent was the burning, molten pleasure that crested through his being and had him doubling over against Shiro. He gasped and panted against his collarbone, loosening what must have been a stinging grasp of his fingernails against Shiro's shoulder-blades while his body worked through the last waves of his orgasm.  
  
Shiro was still hard inside him, gasping breathy moans against his shoulder while Keith clenched around him. Keith rocked his hips feebly, helping Shiro along even through his oversensitivity until a pleasant warmth and pulsing inside him was all he could feel. Shiro rasped his name, timbre of his voice wrecked and shaky as he clutched onto Keith's thigh, his back, up around his body until he was hugging him to his chest as they came down from their highs.  
  
Simultaneous panting filled the room, and Keith nuzzled into Shiro's neck with a shuddering sigh, contented and emotional. Funny how he could feel like this in the middle of a war. How he could be here in this room, making love to this man, in the middle of a goddamn war. But then again, why postpone it? If there was a chance one of them didn't make it in the end...  
  
No, he didn't want to think about that. He was going to enjoy every moment with Shiro he could get his hands on. Whether it be a simple look from across a room, holding of hands, a chaste kiss, passion and roaming hands, tears... _every single moment._  
  
Keith murmured another _I love you_ and Shiro stroked his hand up and down his sweaty back as he hummed an acknowledgment.  
  
"You're crying again, baby." Shiro whispered, and Keith laughed wetly as he nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I know." he rasped.  
  
"It's okay."  
  
Keith smiled against him as his hand began to stroke through his hair, making him shudder with quiet pleasure. "I know." he sniffled softly. He wasn't _sad,_ per se, just overwhelmed. "I just can't believe I _finally_ have you." Keith murmured.  
  
"You've had me for a while, Keith." Shiro gently nudged him back just enough to look him in the eyes.  
  
Keith smiled, watery and earnest. "It's setting in now."  
  
Shiro smiled back and pulled him in for a kiss, soft and sweet, catch and slide, warm and chaste. Keith let it break when it felt natural and rested his forehead against Shiro's. Shiro chuckled softly, and Keith raised a brow as he opened his eyes.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I just...better pull out now."  
  
Keith lifted his hips with a sharp huff of a laugh, willing away the interested twitch of his cock at the trickle of warm spunk down the insides of his thighs. Shiro grunted and Keith exhaled a low sigh, already missing the utter fullness of having Shiro inside him. Shiro lay back and Keith made a little perch for his arms upon his chest, chin rested atop them.  
  
The laziness they delved into was soothing, almost lulling Keith to sleep. Hell, he suspected Shiro had fallen asleep from how his hand stopped moving and went lax against his back, eyes fallen shut and his breath steady. The quiet prompted Keith to think.

Not the best thing in the world to do at that very moment.  
  
Keith trailed his fingers in loose circles over Shiro's clavicle, his collarbone, staring at the expanse of skin before his eyes.  
  
He gave a small frown as the entirety of the day and his emotions caught up with him. Mostly what James had said when he last spoke to him. That pain was _still_ echoing in his chest, making him feel a little hollow despite how full and satisfied Shiro had just made him.  
  
Keith wondered if it was wishful thinking to have thought that after telling Shiro and he was forgiven that he wouldn't feel _guilty_ anymore. And while the rush of endorphins from their coupling must have made him delirious with joy...the opposite was appearing to be true as he wound down. Keith blinked when his eyes began to sting. God he didn't _want_ to feel like this anymore, he didn't want to be sad after he was just so _happy_.  
  
He was just...so _exhausted_.  
  
" _Hey_ , what's wrong Keith?" Shiro wondered in a husky voice, wrought with sleepiness as he brushed his fingers through Keith's hair. Keith was caught off guard by it.  
  
He shook his head and hugged Shiro, burying his face in his shirt, "I thought you were asleep."  
  
"Baby?"  
  
Keith quivered and took a deep breath to steady himself, "I'm trying not...not to feel guilty." he whispered.  
  
"Ah... _guilty?"_ Shiro's voice wavered and Keith's head shot up from where he lay.  
  
"Not about _this!"_ Keith assured, and Shiro seemed to tentatively relax. " _Never_ _this_." Keith murmured as he took up Shiro's hand and pressed a kiss to his palm. "I'm just...what you said about still loving Adam." he began, and then he faltered, eyes welling with tears that Shiro cooed at with sympathy as he swiped his thumb over Keith's scarred cheek. Keith pressed his own hand to his temple, wary, "In a way I...I still love James _too_." he managed, and when Shiro's expression twisted Keith gave a quieted little hiccup as he tucked his face in Shiro's chest.  
  
That _face_...the flash of pain in silver eyes, the scrunch of his nose and brows and the way his lips parted as Keith said those words made his soul _ache_. Now that he had seen it once he didn't ever want to see that expression on Shiro's face again, but it was burned into his retinas and it just kept playing in his mind like a broken record.  
  
"I'm sorry, Keith." Shiro murmured.  
  
Heh, what the hell was he _sorry_ for?  
  
Keith merely shook his head, as he didn't trust himself to speak. He clung to Shiro like he was a lifeline and Shiro held him all through it, stroking his hand up and down Keith's back.  
  
"You...you're allowed to still love him." Shiro said, and Keith lifted his head ever so slightly. Shiro looked as though the words thoroughly pained him, but he smiled at Keith all the same.  
  
"Doesn't that hurt you, though? Doesn't it make you scared I'll leave you?" Keith pressed, wavering and dire, "Does it make you want to leave _me?"_ he finished in a wavering voice, barely able to say it. But it was _still_ his greatest fear...and Shiro had already left him _so many_ times, never out of his own volition, it would kill him if he ever left because he _wanted_ to.  
  
Shiro's smile went soft, and Keith whimpered as his hand caressed his scar once more, "I could never doubt you, Keith." he murmured.  
  
" _Shiro_." Keith whispered, breath hitching, "I really don't deserve you."  
  
"Yes you _do_."  
  
"I _wouldn't_ , you know? Leave. I could _never_ leave you." Keith said as he pressed a kiss to Shiro's lips, desperate and overflowing with need to make sure he understood that. "You're my _everything_." he rasped as he broke away, " _I love you_."  
  
Shiro chuckled softly, and Keith let him kiss at his cheek, his nose, his brow.  
  
"I know, baby."  
  
Keith relaxed into his hold, nuzzling into his neck and heaving a shuddering sigh, "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?" he asked.  
  
Shiro nodded, he felt his chin brush against his hair, "I think so. In time."  
  
Keith kissed Shiro's neck and gave a nod of his own.  
  
He could only hope Shiro was right.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter for this and then we're off to somewhat of a season 8 rewrite, in a sense that I'll be keeping true to a few themes but for the most part it's gonna end completely different and I'm only gonna be keeping like...3 episodes in their entirety in the lore lol. It's gonna take me a while but by golly it's what they _deserve_ goddamnit! 
> 
> Also probably gonna update the Jeith oneshots soon too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH Finally! It's tiny but here's the last chapter for this part of the series.

When he woke that morning Shiro was already up, sitting on the edge of the bed, blessedly naked as the day he was born and looking weary and bedraggled as he held onto what was left of his shoulder.  
  
Keith tilted his head and rubbed at his eye as he took in that faraway look Shiro had in his eye, the one he used to have when they first went to space together. Somewhat haunted and afraid.  
  
"Shiro?"  
  
He jumped at the sound of his name and turned to Keith with a plastered-on smile. "Hey...hey Keith." he murmured.  
  
"You okay?" Keith sat up with a groan.  
  
Shiro nodded, "Yeah, I'm okay, just nervous."  
  
Keith's brows screwed together, tired and confused as to what he was referring to. _"Nervous?"_  
  
Shiro touched his shoulder again, "Allura...made me a new arm. Told me last night and she asked if I was okay to undergo the surgery today. It's...probably the only time we'll have the chance, we don't know how long the shield will hold." he explained, "I said yes."  
  
Keith tried not to flinch. Just as it would seem Shiro would always feel guilty for the scar that created Keith's cheek, so too would Keith always feel guilty when he saw the mangled insides of what remained of Shiro's prosthetic. Perhaps a new arm would do them _both_ good.  
  
Keith moved to shroud over Shiro from behind, uncaring for his own nudity and gently grasping at Shiro's one hand so that he might press delicate kisses to his knuckles. The silence egged on, pleasant and warm, cozy between them where Shiro leaned back into him. Keith turned his nose into Shiro's cheek and murmured, "Do you want me to be there?"  
  
Shiro nodded, chuckling softly in a tone that suggested his answer was obvious, but he voiced it anyway, "Yes, _of course_ I do."  
  
Keith smiled and turned Shiro's head so he could give him a kiss on his lips, soft with sleep and pouty from exhaustion. "You'll do amazing. I'm sure." he said, and Shiro smiled back at him, tentative.  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"Besides nerves, aren’t you excited?" Keith asked as he pressed another kiss to Shiro's jawline. Trailing them down in a languid, lazy slide that made Shiro shudder beneath him with a hum.  
  
"A little. More...more scared than anything."  
  
"It's okay." Keith stroked his fingers down Shiro's clavicle, over his sternum (a teasing slide against his pectoral and brushing a nipple) and then up again after having elicited another shiver from him. His movements stuttered and he inhaled sharply, nuzzling into Shiro's neck, "When do you need to go?"  
  
Shiro glanced up at the digital clock, "Could be about an hour, maybe two." he murmured, "She said she'd ping my phone when they were ready." he gestured to the thin orange device on the nightstand.  
  
Keith shuffled closer and Shiro smiled with a hum of amusement as he kissed at the back of his neck again.  
  
"Why do you ask?" Shiro wondered.  
  
Keith hugged him tighter and buried his face in the expanse of his skin. "Just wanna hold you." he sighed, and Shiro took a ragged breath, nodding and turning, prompting that Keith shuffle back a ways to accommodate him. Keith slid into his lap in a manner much similar to the night before, he even pushed Shiro back and felt his gasp as his body hit the mattress reverberate through his chest, exactly as he had then.  
  
Shiro glanced down at him as Keith made himself comfortable perched atop his belly, hands rubbing soothing circles over Shiro's chest as he leaned down and kissed at his neck.  
  
_"Just_ holding me?" Shiro wondered breathlessly, and Keith undulated his hips against his body.  
  
"Shiro." Keith whispered, and Shiro stilled as he moved to occupy the space between his thighs, peppering kisses all along the length of his jaw and up to his lips. "Shiro."  
  
"What is it, Keith?" Shiro prodded, sole hand stroking at Keith's hair, tugging softly.  
  
"I want..." Keith chuckled breathlessly, both hands planted on either side of Shiro's head while he hoisted himself up to stare down at him fondly. "I just want you. Want to help you _not_ be scared."  
  
_"How so?"_ Shiro asked, coy, knowing. And yet his breath quivered just as much as his body.  
  
Keith smiled and leaned down to kiss him, slow and languid, drawing a desperate, low moan from Shiro's lips before he sat back and fetched the tub of Vaseline they had used the night before, discarded in the sheets. Shiro's breath hitched when Keith looked up at him meaningfully, and he nodded at the silent question for permission in Keith's eyes.  
  
"Yeah." he murmured, and Keith moved over him as he stroked the back of his knuckles to the inside of one thigh, pushing it further apart from the other and spreading Shiro for him.  
  
Shiro quivered when Keith pressed slick fingers to him, rubbing circles and letting their foreheads bump together while he experimentally pushed one finger through that tight ring of muscle.  
  
Shiro's gasp and the way his lashes fluttered against his flushed cheeks was a sight to behold. And Keith pressed deeper, finger curling and pulling a soft noise from Shiro.  
  
"Okay?" he wondered, and Shiro mumbled a yes, leg jerking against Keith's hip as he pried a second finger inside him. It didn't go over Keith's head that this body, while its memories and soul were aged, it in itself was not. This was - in all technicality - Shiro's first time.  
  
Keith worked him slow, slower than was likely necessary, but he wanted to draw it out, make it good for him as he had done for Keith the night before. He wanted him sated and relaxed, calm before his surgery. He also wanted to take his last chance to do this before they were fighting tooth and nail to free Earth. Maybe his last chance _ever,_ if things went south.  
  
Shiro murmured broken pleas and Keith responded with a hush and a kiss to parted lips, chuckling softly as Shiro chased him when he pulled back. He answered his pleading with a third finger, spreading him and teasing him until he was quivering incessantly underneath Keith, gasping for air and eyes screwed shut as he lost himself in his ministrations.  
  
Shiro was sweating and red-faced when he grasped onto Keith's arm, blunt nails digging in and his voice breaking as he begged: " _Please_ ...Keith."  
  
Keith bit his lip and thrust his hand a little harder, and Shiro shook his head, gasping as his hand scrambled up into Keith's hair to pull him into reach.  
  
"I _need_ you." he rasped, and Keith gave a low moan at those words, pulling his hand free and kissing at Shiro's lips, plush and bitten and wet with spit after he was done with them.  
  
"Okay." Keith murmured as he sat back and slicked himself up, watching as Shiro's eyes fluttered open and he stared at the ceiling for a moment before he glanced down his nose at Keith. If the way his jaw fell open, eyes gone a little wide and his brows furrowed in pleasure as Keith pulled his hips into his lap and slid home wasn't the most _beautiful_ thing he ever did see...  
  
" _Keith_." Shiro breathed, shaky and broken.  
  
"I love you." Keith began to say just as he began his motions, slow and strong, pulling a moan from Shiro. "You're going to do amazing today." he panted, and Shiro gripped onto his arm where it was planted in the mattress beside his head. "I'm so _proud_ of you."  
  
Shiro tightened around him already, gasping, and Keith slowed to a dizzying grind to let him come back to himself a little.  
  
"Keith." Shiro gasped, "Please don't _stop_."  
  
"I won't." Keith pressed a brief kiss to his lips, planting his knees firmly as he sped his pace again. Shiro arched against him beautifully, breathless even as he whimpered and pulled Keith further into him with legs clasped tight around the small of his back. He grasped onto Shiro's hips and pulled him further into his lap, enough that Shiro was bent rather in half, clutching at the sheets above his head and staring up at Keith in open-mouthed wonder.  
  
" _Keith_..." Shiro rasped, eyes screwing shut as Keith growled and pressed his forehead to Shiro's sternum, hips stuttering. Some feral part of him wanted to sink his teeth into Shiro's skin, mark him up and make him whine as he licked and soothed at whatever throbbing marks he left behind. He truly _might_ have if Shiro wasn't going into surgery directly afterward.  
  
Instead he gasped the syllables of his name. Just _Takashi...Takashi_...over and over until Shiro seized up around him and his breath hitched with a gasp as he painted his own stomach white. Keith was not far behind him, seconds even, and he kept pistoning into Shiro until he was absolutely done, oversensitive and coaxing a stuttering whimper of his name out of Shiro.  
  
"Keith...Keith please _just-"_  
  
Keith kissed him and Shiro wrapped his arm around his neck, holding him there as his legs tightened around him. Keith could barely move away and he _did not_ mind in the slightest, melded into Shiro and just heaving breaths while they came down.  
  
The pinging of Shiro's phone must have started minutes beforehand, but Keith only _just now_ realized it had been continuously beeping for a while. Distracted as they were, they hadn't noticed. _Shiro_ sure didn't seem to notice, he was panting as he stroked his hand through Keith's hair, eyes closed and his lips pull into a lazy, open-mouthed smile.  
  
"Takashi." Keith murmured.  
  
" _Mm_."  
  
"Shiro."  
  
Shiro blinked his eyes open and then he turned his head toward his phone, brows furrowing as he realized their domestic bliss (short as it already was) was coming to an end.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Time to go?" Keith wondered breathlessly.  
  
Shiro groaned and pulled his hand away from Keith's hair to cover his eyes, "Now I don't want to... _mmn_."  
  
"You gotta." Keith gently pulled back, "I don't know about you..." heaving a sigh as he pulled out of Shiro and elicited a grunt, admiring his delectable work with a hum, "But I don't think Allura'll appreciate it if she comes looking and sees us like _this_." he chuckled softly.  
  
Shiro stretched and sighed, "At this point I couldn't care less." he grumbled, and then moaned softly, “Wanna go back to sleep.”   
  
Keith bit his lip as he took in the expanse of Shiro's body, flushed and shiny with sweat, a smattering of come on his belly and his legs fallen to the wayside and giving him a rather full view of...everything. Shiro smirked down at him when he noticed him looking, and Keith scoffed when he blushed even as he spread his legs a little further in an enticing gesture.  
  
"I've created a monster." Keith said jokingly as he stood and headed into the bathroom.  
  
"You didn't see me in my prime." Shiro called back as he sat up, Keith glanced up with a scoffing smile at him through the mirror and immediately frowned at his disposition. Shiro seemed to startle when he was before him again, kneeling down to look him in the eyes and stroke at his cheek.  
  
"You're still in your prime, Takashi." Keith murmured, swiping a wet cloth over his belly and between his legs.  
  
Shiro almost smiled before his lips fell and he turned a frown of his own at the floor, "I suppose ."  
  
Keith didn't know what to make of the way he closed off, uncertain of what had crossed his mind, though the knock at the door dashed any hopes he had of trying to discuss it.  
  
"Shiro?" came Allura's voice.  
  
Keith jumped to his feet and scrambled for Shiro to stand so he could help him into his clothes. Shiro chuckled as he stumbled and Keith stomped on the swell of pride in his chest as he snatched up Shiro's pants from the floor.  
  
"Just a minute!" Shiro called, hoarse and gravelly in a way that made Keith bite his lip through a smirk. He did that to Shiro.  
  
It was so immensely satisfying to have done so.  
  
Shiro accepted the way Keith aided him in stepping into his pants with a surprised chuckle, though he softened when Keith pressed a kiss to his belly on the way up. Keith smiled at him and did the same to his lips as he helped Shiro into his shirt.  
  
"I'll be right behind you." Keith murmured, and Shiro stroked his fingers over Keith's cheek with a smile before he left.

* * *

Shiro's arm gave them quite the scare, if it weren't for Allura...Keith didn't want to know what might have happened. Listening to Shiro's heart beating so _fast_ and seeing him in pain from behind a plane of glass did little for his nerves. He was frozen in place for a grand total of five seconds before he was charging after Allura. Needless to say, Shiro was fine, thanks to her, and it was after his doctors had declared him stable that Keith was throwing himself over him like a drape and heaving a deep sigh of relief. He was so glad for him, after being responsible for relieving him of his arm in the first place.  
  
That said, his new arm was nothing like he had expected, Altean magic or no. It was, well, _huge_ (he'd explore _that_ particular thought at a later date) and it...floated.  
  
It was _weird_.  
  
"How does it _work?"_ was the question of the day, to which Shiro could only shrug and Allura could only smile in self-satisfaction over the magnificent creation she and Sam had perfected.  
  
Keith spent the first hour after Shiro had said with a smile that he felt great hovering by his side and swiping his hand over the space between the ports, making himself chuckle and Shiro squirm. Apparently it tickled.  
  
Though such antics were soon pushed to the side. They had a battle to prepare for.  
  
Thus, in the attempt to figure out what Sendak's weapons were, Keith found himself assigned to a team that once again consisted of James, though his companions being present would help some. In any case, Keith was more than a little sullen as he made his way to the jeeps. But he kept it well-masked, posture rigid and his face drawn in what he hoped was a neutral expression as he approached the jeep.  
  
James hadn't spotted him and Keith cast his gaze upon the ground to avoid eye contact.  
  
"Keith."  
  
He turned on his heel, surprised and his hair whipping into his face in a manner that made him sputter, and made Shiro smile in amusement.  
  
"Yeah?" Keith wondered, eyes shifting to and fro while the hairs at the back of his neck rose at the knowledge that James was probably watching this exchange.  
  
Shiro's smile went sympathetic, and Keith's breath stuttered, face gone warm as Shiro drew him into a hug. It wasn't long, and Keith exhaled a nervous laugh as he murmured a thanks, but Shiro didn't let him shy away. He drew him back in and pressed his forehead to Keith's. Something in his belly twisted in guilt for this display happening in James' plain sight, and another thrilled at the reminder of how much taller Shiro still was.  
  
"Are you going to be okay?" Shiro murmured, and Keith blinked his eyes open to look up at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
Shiro glanced to the side, "I didn't mean for you to get assigned to Griffin's team. Dunno if that's going to be hard for you."  
  
Keith could hardly manage to salvage his carefree expression, and he scoffed softly, "No, it's okay, _really_. They need me in any case, I have my wolf."  
  
Shiro hummed a laugh, "Still won't call him Kosmo, huh?"  
  
"He hasn't said he likes it." Keith shrugged, and then he hunched his shoulders as Shiro pressed his lips to his forehead. He could feel someone watching this, and he wasn't sure if it was James but his gut told him it was highly likely. He didn't _want_ to rub salt in the wound, but Shiro glanced over Keith's shoulder and his stomach did an absolute backflip at the way his gaze darkened and then Keith gasped at the fervent press of lips against his. It wasn't obscene, but it wasn't _tame_ either, it made a soft whine of a noise come tumbling out of his throat, and Shiro pulled away with a smirk of satisfaction.  
  
"Be safe, baby." he stroked his metal thumb over Keith's forehead, tucking an errant strand of hair behind his ear.  
  
Keith smiled and took a few slow steps back, still holding Shiro's hand up until they could reach one another anymore. He turned on his heel and buried his now-free hand in his wolf's fur, stroking gently as they walked over to the jeeps. He resolutely kept his eyes on the floor, though he wasn't ignorant of the curious looks he was receiving as he went to open the back door of the jeep.  
  
His gaze couldn't help but flit to James as he passed him, but neither of them were in any mood to speak, it seemed. It was just as well, Keith didn't want to provoke him, and he...was _fairly_ sure Shiro didn't want to either.  
  
Granted...that kiss was rather purposefully excessive.  
  
" _Nice_."  
  
Keith scowled at Pidge, who was just giving him a tongue-in-cheek smirk as she sat beside him and crossed her arms in a smug gesture.  
  
Keith crossed his own arms in kind out of emotional defense. "Shut up." he murmured, glad for the way his wolf leaned his head on his knee and nuzzled him with a soft whine of comfort.  
  
The ride was rather quiet, Allura took what had been Keith's previous seat in the front, and Keith was grateful. Sitting out of view of James helped his nerves immensely. _That_ wouldn't last long. Indeed, soon enough Keith was walking with sword drawn alongside James and his rifle. He took to resolutely ignoring him as much as he could save for the occasional, professional language of all clear's, hand gestures.  
  
He avoided eye contact at all cost, nary speaking save for communications with Lance.  
  
There was a moment that Keith wasn't proud of where James threw an arm out before him and he flinched back with a sharp inhale, just as wary of physical contact. He didn't miss the way James eyed him with blatant concern, and he buried it by ignoring the ache in his heart and brushing past the warning with a long, low exhale. Nothing left to do except concede to James' demand that Keith maintain professional space, no matter how much it hurt.  
  
He clenched his fingers around his sword and grit his teeth as they made it to cover in front of the base. He scowled at James' voiced concerns, and with a flash of ozone and sulfur Pidge and he were gone with his wolf.  
  
Beyond that, the mission ran smooth, Pidge and he worked together well. It was honestly rather surprising that they hadn't been on more solo missions together, they were like a well-oiled clock, well in tune. Not quite as in sync and Keith was with Shiro, but _that_ came from a long lived-tradition of sparring practice together.  
  
And yes, the mission did indeed run smooth, but the knowledge they achieved was...deeply disturbing. Zaiforge cannons were incredibly deadly, and Sendak was building _six_ of them.  
  
The ride back was quiet for an altogether more alarming reason. Everyone was deep in thought over what to do with this information, and Keith...Keith was the only one present who had seen the destructive capabilities of a Zaiforge firsthand. Whatever Sendak was planning? It spelled doom for them.

* * *

  
It all came down to needing Voltron. Because, quite frankly, there was no way they could attack all six Zaiforge bases at once without the lions. There was just not enough firepower at the Garrison. That said, this plan...this plan was based off a hunch. And while Keith knew for a fact that it was possible for the lions to come to their aid, he had never summoned _either_ of his on command, and neither had any of his fellow Paladins, Shiro included. It was drastic, it was crazy, it all hinged on them.  
  
If they _failed_...  
  
Keith sucked in a sharp breath and turned on his heel from where he had been on his way to Shiro's room. They had six hours to sleep, rest and freshen themselves for this fight. And Keith felt...he felt like he had to do this one last thing. He felt like this plan wouldn't fail, per se, but perhaps, it wouldn't go quite the way they expected. It was a gut feeling, maybe just nerves, but the point was that he couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie.  
  
Keith crossed his arms after gesturing for his wolf to stay, and then he made his way to the MFE's quarters.  
  
He knocked, blinking when the blonde girl he was certain he knew from _somewhere_ opened the door. He had known James' friends to an extent, he knew their names, vaguely remembered what they looked like back then.  
  
"Hey." he murmured, and she pursed her lips.  
  
"I assume you're looking to talk to James."  
  
It wasn't a question, and the way she talked reminded him of Pidge on a more uncanny level. Ina. That's right, _Ina_ was her name.  
  
"Yes." Keith said, and she just nodded and stepped aside, surprisingly. Some part of Keith felt as though James would have rallied his friends as some sort of shield against Keith.  
  
He was sitting back on his bed, utterly casual in a way that _still_ seemed to catch Keith off-guard. He was tapping away at his phone, a deep furrow in his brow and a rather comical twist in his lips. He was playing a fucking _video game._  
  
Or he _was_ until he glanced up.  
  
Keith could have laughed at the shock on James' face, but he wasn't there to laugh, he wasn't there for much really.  
  
" _What-K-Keith?"_ James could only gape at him, and Keith shuffled in place, self-conscious at the way Ina tried and failed to look like she was minding her own business. James sat up and set his phone to the side, voice low and stern, as if talking to a child, "What are you doing here? I told you-"  
  
"I'm not here to talk about anything, not...here to say _sorries_ and shit." Keith interrupted, and then he took a deep breath and walked over to the bed, sat down, and pulled James into a hug before he could even bother to react. The other man gasped where his face was pressed against his shoulder, tense and his jaw working like he wanted to speak but he couldn't find words. Keith squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled long and low, breath tinged with a murmur.  
  
"I just needed to do this." he tightened his hold, and James actually relaxed against him. "One last time...just in case."  
  
And then he was gone, he walked out the door and he didn't let himself see what James thought about it. He couldn't let what could end up being their last interaction be heart-rending. He couldn't do that. And indeed, his heart felt lighter for it, if not simultaneously heavy in a new way.  
  
He walked to Shiro's room and entered to sit down on his bed, playing with idle fingers at the hem of his cuffed sleeves. He was so _tired_. His eyelids drooped and he hunched his shoulders as he let them drift closed, just waiting. Shiro was doing something in the bathroom, and Keith wanted to exchange soft hello's and kisses. He wanted to fall asleep holding him.  
  
Shiro startled him with a hand on his shoulder, and Keith stood, gasping softly as Shiro steadied him. “Woah, you okay, baby?” Shiro wondered. 

Keith nodded, “Dozed off.” he said with a soft chuckle, “Sorry, I was waiting for you.” 

Shiro's concerned brow softened a little, and he smiled warmly at Keith, “I don't mind if you sleep without me, you know.” 

Keith shook his head, “I wanted to...fall asleep with you.” he gave a wry scoff, “I have a bad feeling about tomorrow.” 

Shiro hummed, “I think you speak for everyone.” he said as he began unbuttoning Keith's uniform. Keith took that moment to take his eyes down Shiro's bare chest and admire the towel wrapped low around his waist. Too bad he wasn't feeling spry enough to take advantage of Shiro's rather blatant offering on a silver platter. “Lay down, baby.” Shiro tugged Keith's shirt over his head, “You look exhausted.” 

Keith sighed, “I am.” he kicked his pants away and sat down on the bed, holding Shiro's hand and closing his eyes. “Can you lay down with me?” 

Shiro chuckled softly, “Of course I will, baby.” 

Keith hunched his shoulders, “Shiro?” 

“What's wrong, Keith?” 

" _I love you._ ” Keith turned a watery smile his way.

Shiro climbed onto the bed, gently pushed Keith back with a palm on his sternum, placed a kiss or two at his lips, and then he subverted his expectations by just laying down beside him and kissing at his shoulder, smiling. “I love you too, sweetheart.” 

Keith blushed at that, closing his eyes and relaxing into Shiro's hold.

“Whatever tomorrow brings.” Shiro murmured against his skin. 

Keith nodded.

_Whatever tomorrow would bring..._

* * *

 He wasn't sure what was real or just dreams. Flashes of voices, Shiro at his side, talking. Warm lips, chapped and scratching gently at his brow in a brush of a kiss. It went on in what felt like an endless cycle until finally... _finally_...he woke. 

Opening his eyes made him wince, and everything was blurry, but he glanced around, dazed and a _little_ loopy, if the giddiness in his chest was anything to go by. He saw a flash of purple, and as it leaned closer, came into clarity, he realized it was Krolia. 

 _“Mom?”_  

His own voice sounded terribly foreign, grating against his throat and making him want to heave a cough with the tickle in his lungs. 

“Easy, Keith.” Krolia murmured, “You’ve been unconscious for three weeks.”

Keith turned his head to look around, taking stock of the room, stark white, the epiphany of a hospital. 

“Shiro?” he wondered. 

Krolia laid a hand on his knee, “He’s busy right now. Rest assured he’s been by your side so long we had to _wrestle_ him away.”

Keith smiled at that, giggling a bit. Yeah. He must’ve been high on pain medication. 

“That’s Shiro.” he rasped, eyes sliding closed. 

“Go on and rest, Keith.” Krolia instructed gently, “He’ll be here when you wake again.”

Keith drifted off without any resistance. 

The murmur of voices was still there. He listened without understanding through the haze of sleep, and he waited to wake up again. 

He did so god knows how many days later, light throbbing in his skull. Keith blinked at the soft light of dawn, saw Shiro asleep over his lap, and he smiled as he raised a weak hand up to rest on his head. Shiro didn’t wake, he stirred a little, mumbling softly, and Keith could only keep his smile as he looked around the room, whites softened by the blues and yellows of early morning. 

There was a vase of flowers on his bedside table, a few cards, and Keith hummed as he reached out to grasp one. 

It was from Allura, wishing him well, hoping he would awake soon. Keith looked over the delicate penmanship and smiled again as he set it back, reading the next two. One from Lance, Hunk, and Pidge, altogether, and another from the Garrison, all wishing him good health and hopes that he’d wake. 

Well, Keith was awake _now._

Keith set them back, and then he noticed the yellow envelope that sat hidden behind the vase. 

Keith stared at it for a moment, and then he reached out, pulling it out from its hiding spot and turning it over. It wasn’t signed, and Keith frowned in confusion as he opened it, sliding a card out, and a piece of paper. 

Keith’s breath hitched when he saw the signature on the back of the paper, and opening the card, a rather bland, pale blue one, devoid of any flowers and decorum. Inside was a simple message. 

_‘You deserve this back. I’m sorry.’_

Keith bit his lip as he turned over the familiar parchment, and he chuckled wetly, dissolving into a sob as he covered his lips. He couldn’t quite believe it, and it made burying everything once and for all yet again, _impossible._

He _didn’t_ throw it away. He didn’t destroy it. 

James _kept_ the drawing. All this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Art by me. It's old, I drew it in December, but Keith's art is old too so it fits) 
> 
> Owie.
> 
> Aaaand we're done for now.
> 
> I am going to plan out what happens next, that may take a bit so this series is going on a bit of a hiatus. I'm going to update a couple other fics in the meantime. 
> 
> The rest of the series will basically be a rewrite of The Season That Shan't Be Named. I wanted your opinions on this, by the way. Would you guys be happier if I made Sheith the permanent thing, had James happy with another person (not sure who but I HC him as bi so could be a few ppl), or.... _*ahem*_ I could explore a polyamorous relationship. It'd be a difficult road to get there, Shiro's possessive, he doesn't really _care_ about James, James is hurt, doesn't trust well, and might not want to "share". Interesting concept...possibly. (¬‿¬)
> 
> Anyway. What would _you_ prefer? I'd like to know what the audience wants before I proceed with outlining shit :3 
> 
> Come find me on: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Crazyaniknowit)  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on:  
> [Tumblr](http://crazyaniknowit.tumblr.com/)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Crazyaniknowit)  
> 


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